So you just rented Crocodile Dundee for the fifteenth time and you've suddenly become infatuated with boomerangs, koala bears, convicts, and all things Paul Hogan. You have no choice: you just GOTTA go to Australia. But wait . . . Australia is a huge country. Don't ruin your trip by just showing up and not knowing where to go or what to do. With this SYW, we will help you organize a tourist visit to Australia, and perhaps inspire you to reconnect with Olivia Newton-John. Why? Because we love you. We honestly love youuuuuuuuu. . .

1. GET YOUR PAPERWORK DONE

Get a passport

If you've never left home before, congratulations on your newfound spinal cord. So the first thing you need to do is get into the country. This means, of course, that you need a passport.

If you're an American, you can check out the U.S. State Department's Passport Services web page. American citizens can also get passport applications at any federal or state courthouse, or at a post office. You can also look for locations in the government listings of your phone book. You will need to pay $65, and the passport will be valid for 10 years. To get your passport, you'll need to provide proof of citizenship (e.g., a birth certificate, a certificate of naturalization, a certificate of citizenship) as well as two photographs. Yes, these photographs must be of you.

If you are Canadian, you can check out the Canadian Passport Office web page or write to them the old-fashioned way at:

Canadian Passport Office
Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade
Ottawa, ON
K1A 0G3
1-800-567-6868

Get a visa

So you have your passport, but the fun is just starting. Now you have to get a visa. Australia requires everyone on the planet except New Zealanders (also known as "Kiwis") to obtain a visa before leaving on their trip. Tourist visas are free, they're valid for three months, and they expire one year from the date of issue.

There are two ways to apply for an Australian visa.

  1. You can apply for a three-month visa through the Electronic Travel Authority. This can be done through your travel agent, who has access through his/her computer reservation system. This process takes only a few minutes and the information is stored electronically rather than as a stamp in your passport. This method is available in both Canada and the US, and is so convenient that you should not even bother reading about the second method.

  2. You just don't listen, do you? Well, if you are scared of technology (or if you want a visa other than the standard "three month tourist" visa), you can get yourself a paper application in the US at:

Australian Embassy
1601 Massachusetts Ave NW
WASHINGTON, DC 20036 2273
Voice: (202) 797 3000
Fax: (202) 797 3100
Counter hours: 8:30am - 12.30pm

Or:

Australian Consulate General
2049 Century Park East, 19th Floor
LOS ANGELES, CA 90067
Voice: (310) 229 4840
Fax: (310) 277 5620

And in Canada, at:

Australia House
Strand, London WC2B 4LA
Tel: 020 7379 4334;
Fax: 020 7240 5333

Don't mess around with these visas. If you don't have one, the stewardess won't let you on the plane. Then you'll cry. And the stewardess will laugh. The bastard. Also, be aware when purchasing your plane ticket that you will have to prove to Australian customs officials that you will be able to leave the country, either through the return portion of your ticket, or with a ticket elsewhere. It is a serious offense to overstay your visa. If your three months fly by and you find yourself wanting to stay longer, visit the Department of Immigration and Multi-Cultural Affairs. We have more information about extending your visit in step 5.

For more info about visas, check out our SYW "SoYouWanna get a visa?" If you're lucky, you might also find out how to get a Master Card.

2. PLAN YOUR TRIP

Decide when you want to go

Remember, Australia is backwards (though you should never say that to an Australian!) in that their seasons are reversed from the Northern Hemisphere. So summer occurs during December, and winter during July. The southern two-thirds of Australia are a temperate climate zone, with temperatures roughly between 32°F to 59°F (0°C to 15°C) in the wintertime, and 59°F to 87°F (15° C- 30°C) in the summertime. Snow is incredibly rare, but you shouldn't plan any beach frolics if traveling in winter.

The northern third of Australia is a far hotter place, with temperatures ranging from 68°F to 86°F (15°C - 30°C) in winter and up to 104°F (40°C) in summer. In the north, the seasons are divided by rainfall, with the wet time lasting from November to April and the dry time from May to October. The wet season does not only mean "you will get wet" but also "you might not be able to travel, as roads may be washed out." So while planning your trip, you should always check out the predicted weather forecast.

Bear in mind that you are not the only person who wants to travel during the dry, warm seasons. The busiest time for Australian travelers is during the summer vacation, which falls between late November and mid-February. If you do travel during these months, plan well in advance to avoid last minute high costs.

Fly there

If you've made it through this swamp of responsibilities, then you must reeeeeeeeeeally want to get to Australia. But here comes the bad news: it's expensive. Damn expensive. It's "maybe-you-should-just-rent-that-Meryl-Streep-flick-about-the-dingo-and-the-baby" expensive. Most tickets to Australia are at least $1000. If you find a cheaper deal, it probably means that the plane is "engine optional." If you are committed to traveling on specific dates, you might be stuck with buying higher-priced fares through airlines or travel agents. Fortunately, we can help you out. Visit "SoYouWanna buy cheap airline tickets?" and we'll at least help you make sure that you don't get ripped off.

Well, whatever you decide, it's always nice to comparison shop, so check out:

Such agencies are very helpful at matching up your time and financial restraints. For directories that will lead you to even more online brokers, check Kasbah and The Art of Travel.

But maybe you don't care when you come and go to Australia. If you are that flexible, you should a) think about taking up yoga, and b) save some dough by traveling as an air courier. An air courier carries documents or packages overseas in exchange for heavily discounted flights. Companies like to use couriers 'cause it's cheaper to send freight as luggage than cargo. You can be assured that you will not be transporting anything illegal, as everyone knows the package will be going through customs. If your potential client asks you to hide the package from customs, perhaps in a rectal crevice, we suggest that you politely decline. The disadvantages are that you have to be ready to go at a moment's notice, and you won't have much (if any) baggage space. Still, if you are dying to get to Australia and you are broke-ish, this is an excellent method. For more information, check out The International Association of Air Travel Couriers.

Prepare your money

It's usually cheaper to pay for stuff with Australian dollars, so when you get there, you should exchange most of your money right away. Still, you don't want to be caught empty-handed, so before you leave, you should exchange what you feel is enough to get you through your first three days in Australia. Currency rates are constantly changing, but for the past year, the Australian dollar has been equal to a little over half the American dollar.

When flying out of Australia, you will have to pay AUS$27 (about $15) departure tax. This is usually included in the price of your ticket, but check ahead so that you're not searching your pockets for stray pennies at the head of an impatient line.

3. SETTLE YOURSELF IN AUSTRALIA

Find accommodation

You've made it! What a nice 24-hour flight… when else will you get the chance to see 6 movies back-to-back? You now have to find a place to sleep. If you are traveling cheaply, hostels are the way to go. Australians are seasoned backpackers, and backpacking hotels (or "backpackers") are very common.

If you've never stayed in a youth hostel, here's what to expect: If you want the cheapest accommodation available, you will bunk down in a room with five or six similarly sexed people. You will pay between $8-12 a night for this privilege, and may be asked to do some very easy housekeeping chores. You will usually be asked to rent sheets (which is a comforting way of assuring a healthy distance from the last bed occupant) for between $1-2 a night. If you want to save more money, you can make yourself a sleepsheet by folding an ordinary sheet in half lengthwise and sewing it up like a sleeping bag. Hostels usually have a secured area for storing your valuables, although it is probably best to sleep wearing your money and passport in your fanny pack. Some hostels do offer private rooms for families and couples, although these will be more expensive.

Hostels are also an excellent way to meet other travelers. Although the quality of hostels differs depending on where you are staying, those in Sydney (that backpacker's haven) are known to be quite competitive and offer such amenities as swimming pools and free weekly barbecues. For a list of hostels in Australia, check out:

Also check out The Australian Backpacker's Connection, which offers such cool services for backpackers as message service to and from the folks back home.

If you did the dorm thing in college and can't bear the thought of snoring along with a group of other smelly people, then you can stay in a moderately priced hotel.

Yet another way to accommodate yourself in Australia is to simply go camping. It will be expensive to get your equipment over there, and camping in some parts of Australia (e.g., the Outback) is nowhere near as pleasant as anywhere back home. Still, if you are a hardcore camper, it's much cheaper than any sort of indoor accommodation. For a list of places to legally pitch your tent, check out http://www.camping.com.au/ or http://www.auscamps.asn.au/.

Wherever you stay, you should be fortunate enough to have electricity. Australia is on a 220-240v system (unlike North America's 110v system). If you can't travel without your Hair Frizzer 3000 or some other electric aid, make sure to bring both an adapter (which converts the plug shape) and a converter (which converts the voltage). Both can be purchased at larger hardware stores and should be bought ahead of time.

Get around

You can walk. This is probably the best way to take in the sites and meet new people. As elsewhere on the planet, Australia's cities have many other ways to get you to places where they can take your tourist dollars:

If you're feeling rich and antisocial, you can always rent a car. Remember that Australians drive on the left side of the road. You are allowed to drive in Australia with a valid, current driver's license from your home country, but you may have problems renting a vehicle without an International Driver's License. While most roads in Australia are paved and well maintained, those in the Outback can offer quite a different experience than the urban driver is used to. If going alone in the Outback, make sure to rent a Four Wheel Drive vehicle. Be sure to have all the necessary safety equipment (water, flashlights, jack, spare tire, extra oil etc.) as you can expect a long wait before any help will/might show up. If you don't know basic car maintenance, like how to change a tire, learn. Make sure you leave your itinerary with someone at both ends of your destination before heading out into the outback.

Know what to do in an emergency

Australia is a wonderful country full of splendid mates, but like anywhere else, bad things can happen. So it is vital that you use your common sense. For example, don't brag loudly in public places about the stack of traveler's checks you just converted. If you find yourself in any situation where you need fire, police, or medical help, dial 000 as a free call on any phone.

It's also a good idea to let your national embassy or consulate, as well as the Australian Embassy, know how to get a hold of you in Australia (in case there's an emergency back home). Check out the Australian Embassy Homepage to find one.

For other travel safety information in Australia, go to the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs.

4. FIND THE BEST THINGS TO DO

What are you talking about? After all that, now you have to worry about entertaining yourself? Who's running this crazy operation, anyway?

We can't name everything you could possibly do down there. (Do you want us to hold your hand on the flight over?) Still, because we're so nice, we're going to name a few places in Australia that you should consider.

Sydney
Great Barrier Reef and Queensland
Inland and Outback

Sydney

Most likely, your trip will be starting in Sydney (since it houses the country's largest international airport). Once in Sydney, the hub of all local public transit is Circular Quay. Don't worry, we're not suggesting that you watch buses go by all day. Circular Quay is a very touristy place with lots of festivals and shops. Locals are very proud of the Circular Quay's history (it's where Governor Arthur Phillip first landed) and the architecture (committees argue for hours about how buildings "communicate"), so show a little respect and start there. You'll find it an excellent jumping off point.

A short walk north of Circular Quay is one of Sydney's most famous sites, The Sydney Opera House. Completed in 1973 at almost $70 million over budget (ouch!), it's a building with as great architectural significance as The Eiffel Tower or the Taj Mahal. Designed to look like a sailing ship, it boasts five major performance spaces as well as the best acoustics of any similarly sized man-made building in the world. And yes, it has more than opera, you boorish philistine. You can catch symphonies, plays, chamber music, dance and on occasion, contemporary music. You can take a tour of the museum or check out some of the performances. It is the primary landmark of Australia, and regardless of how touristy it seems, you must visit it because your relatives will expect to see the great photos you took. While you're over there, pop down to Government House, a beautiful and historical building just south of the Opera House.

Just east of Circular Quay is The Rocks. Named for the sandstone the convicts used to build it, The Rocks is a small collection of streets that originally were slums but now offer a shopper's paradise (whoo-hoo for gentrification!). Most of the original structures have been demolished, first to avoid disease around the 1900s, and later to make room for Harbor Bridge, but there are still lots of historic buildings. Feel free to wander around this area on your own, or ask for help at The Rocks Visitor Center.

Speaking of Harbor Bridge, unless you forget to look while in Sydney, you'll see what locals affectionately call "The Coat Hanger." Harbor Bridge is an expansive bridge that accommodates pedestrian walkways, as well as two railway lines and an eight-lane road. The walk across will take about 30 minutes (depending on how heartily you pigged out at Circular Quay) and will offer you some of the best views in Sydney.

Wow, that should keep you busy for at least a day or two. If you don't have much time in Australia, or don't want to stray too far out of Sydney, you can check out Featherdale Wildlife Park. If you only get one chance to see Australian wildlife, this is it. Although small, it houses Australia's largest private collection of native animals and most importantly, the animals are treated very well.

If you are still looking for fun places to visit in Sydney, you can check out other cool things like:

After all the walking you've done, you might want to take some time to relax. Well, we hope you packed your Speedos because Sydney lies near some of the world's best beach space. Who knows? Maybe you'll spot the next Mel Gibson or Nicole Kidman while frolicking about in the skimpy swimsuits Australians are known for. Now that we've got you all hot and bothered, here are some good beaches:

  • Bondi: The most famous beach, it can be described as "another California" (though you won't have to worry about all those Baywatch extras getting in your way). Located 15 minutes west of downtown Sydney, it's a city beach, which means that it isn't as pristine as other beaches, but this is more than made up for by its socialization possibilities. Bondi is a bubbling, vibing, happening place where you can meet hundreds of people from all over the planet. You can also get your first taste of beach activities by renting surfboards, boogie boards or snorkeling gear. Check out Bondi's homepage for more information. (P.S. It's pronounced "Bond-eye," so don't embarrass yourself).

  • Northern Beaches: If you just can't put up with one more backpacker and want to experience Australian beaches in their more natural state, hop onto the ferry at Circular Quay and head over to Sydney's northern beaches. They are still tourist-friendly, but far cleaner and far less crowded. Look for such names as Manly Beach, Palm Beach, Whale Beach or Avalon (THIS is where the pilot for Baywatch Down Under was shot… and killed).

If you've already fulfilled all of your Baywatch dreams and are looking for some non-salt-water activities, check out Blue Mountains. It houses three national parks: Blue Mountains National Park, Kanangra-Boyd National Park, and Wollemi National Park. This area also offers the opportunity to rock climb, rappel (only Australians call it "abseil"), or canyon raft. The most common activity, and certainly the least macho, is to follow one of the parks many hiking trails (Australians call it "bushwalking").

Great Barrier Reef and Queensland

If you can fit all the above into a week's vacation, congratulations! You are Super-Traveler. If you are planning to stay more than a week, you should certainly head up the coast and see the Great Barrier Reef. Visible from outer space, this 2000+ meter long reef is one of the most diverse ecosystems on the planet. You can witness this colorful congregation of thousands of year's worth of coral polyps as well as fish and other marine life in many ways, be it through scuba diving, snorkeling, glass-bottomed boat or even just walking on the reef in low tide. Cairns is probably the best place for a neophyte to start out, though other mainland towns on the reef are Townsville Online and MacKay. You can also visit one of the islands along the reef, such as the WhitSunday Islands, Hamilton Island or Magnetic Islands.

The above websites will give you specific information on how to see the reef, but remember about any water activity, don't go alone! Most dive rental companies insist on seeing that you are PADI or otherwise certified before renting you gear, but there are introductory or resort dives where you need no certification and will be accompanied by a trained guide. These guides will tell you the basic rules of being underwater: namely, don't touch it if you don't recognize it, put everything back where you've found it and don't wreck the reef. Don't be one of those jerks who thinks a little bit of 2000 year old coral will bring out the drapes in his living room back home. Much like Gizmo, coral dies when out of water and in direct sunlight, so you will be left with a bit of grubby white non-descript rock and huge pangs of guilt. For a complete guide to scuba diving (in Australia or anywhere else where there's lots of water), check out "SoYouWanna be a scuba diver?"

Inland and Outback

The above suggestions will get you through two weeks in Australia, with no problem at all; these are certainly the excellent places to visit your first time in Oz. Still, while most people live on the coast, most of the country is taken up by a huge sandy mass known as the Outback. It's pretty barren in most parts, but there are also many beautiful national parks.

One of the more noteworthy sites inland is the famous Ayer's Rock, the largest single rock in the world. Known for its unique orange color, it turns a fiery red at sunrise and sunset, causing tourists from all over the planet to come and furiously click their cameras. The Anangu (the native people of the area) attach spiritual importance to the path up Ayer's Rock and ask that tourists not make the climb. Still, you'll see hundreds of people stumbling up it every day. You can decide what kind of respect you want to show.

Flinders Ranges National Park is a protected area where you can experience the ruggedness of the Outback under the tutelage of people who actually know what they're doing. Here are a bunch of things you can do there:

  • Take a hike, with or without a guide
  • Take a Four Wheel Drive tour, with or without a guide
  • Take a scenic flight between the mountains
  • Take the world famous Ridge Top Tour, where you can see awe-inspiring views of rugged mountain tops
  • Take a Valium and fly back home (though we don't recommend this option)

5. CONSIDER FUTURE VISITS

Decide if you want to stay longer

While this article is intended for those who only wish to travel Australia as tourists, some of you will want to commit to longer periods of time Down Under. One way to legally stay in Australia for more than three months is to be a foreign student. To do this, you must have been accepted to an accredited academic institution. For student exchange li>

You can also extend your stay by getting a temporary residence visa. Most people who apply for these visas are skilled technicians, business executives, or young people on working holidays (that means kids like you!).

Check out some useful links

One of the most useful things you can do when preparing to go to a new country is to research as much about it as possible. Thank goodness you've found us! But we couldn't include everything, so here are some nice websites that will give you more specifics about Australia:

Getting to know Australia:

Tour information:

Ayer's Rock/Uluru Tours

Outback Tours

Bushwalks and Climbing

Potpourri