Now that you're finished with college, it's time to enter the real world: a world of cubicles, office politics, and backstabbing corporate weirdos. That's when you suddenly realize that college really wasn't such a bad experience after all. You got to read about interesting things, had a relatively relaxed schedule, and there was always time for a well-planned kegger. Why not extend your college lifespan a little longer by applying to graduate school? We here at SoYouWanna.net are all for graduate school; it's a great way to learn about things that are specifically interesting to you while not having to deal with all of the unrelated prerequisites of the undergrad experience. But before you proceed to filling out those applications, there's an important feat of intelligence to be overcome: a standardized test that quizzes you on what you learned in college. This beast's name is the Graduate Record Examination (GRE).

You're not the only one who must confront the GRE; according to Kaplan Testing, about 500,000 students took the GRE in 1998. That means that there's stiff competition. One thing to keep in mind is that even though your GRE score won't unilaterally predict whether you will or will not be admitted into a particular graduate school, it is nonetheless a factor in the admissions process. The pressure! But wipe away those tears, buckaroo, because this SYW will educate you about the fundamentals of the GRE. Once you finish reading this SYW, get your butt over to our second GRE article, SoYouWanna ace the GRE?. That's where you'll learn all of our secret Jedi tricks for outsmarting the wily writers of the test. But before you jump off that boat, you first hafta learn how to swim.

1. MAKE SURE YOU NEED TO TAKE THE GRE

Before you start spending your money on preparation courses and registration fees, there's one slight detail that you should be aware of: make sure you even need to take the GRE. Tons of people out there take the GRE and never realize that they weren't required (or even recommended) to take it. There are two reasons for this:

  1. For entry into medical school, business school, or law school, you don't take the GRE. Each of those schools has a unique test that you'll need to take (medical = MCAT; business = GMAT; law = LSAT). So if you're taking the GRE to get into one of those schools, then screw your head on right, take the appropriate test, and become rich.

  2. Not all graduate schools require the GRE for admittance. Don't get us wrong, most of the schools require (or at least "strongly encourage") you to take the GRE, but before you sign up, you should look through the application materials for the schools you're applying to and see if it's "required" or "recommended" (you might get lucky). We'll spoil some of the suspense now: the GRE is required for most advanced degree programs, including:

  • Education
  • Psychology
  • English
  • Communications
  • Journalism
  • History
  • Archaeology
  • Music
  • Sociology
  • Math
  • Economics
  • Geology
  • Biology (not med school . . . that's different)
  • Chemistry
  • Biochemistry
  • Engineering
  • Computer Science

In fact, for many of these programs, you'll have to take TWO GREs: the main general one that we talk about in this SYW, and a special "subject test" that will grill you on the specific subject in which you're trying to get your advanced degree. There's even a writing test that evaluates your ability to make original arguments on a particular issue. We're not going to worry about the subject and writing tests for the purposes of this SYW, but if you're feeling particularly anxious, check out the GRE's website for more details.

2. BE AWARE OF THE CAT (COMPUTER-ADAPTED TEST)

The GRE is a pretty hip test . . . instead of going with the boring ol' pencils and paper, the GRE is now administered on a computer (creatively called the "computer-adapted test," or CAT). What's the difference between taking the GRE on a computer versus on paper? Feast your eyes on this:

  • The CAT only shows you one question at a time. So you have no choice but to answer the question you're given. You can't skip it.

  • Each question you get depends on whether you got the previous one correct or not. In essence, it's a personalized exam; if you get a question right, the next question will be a little harder, and if you get a question wrong, the next one will be a little easier. This is a way of pinpointing exactly where you fall on the "smart scale."

  • Once you answer a question, you can't go back and change your answer. The good side of this is that it forces you to be efficient and "go with your gut," but the bad news is that if you suddenly remember the definition of "bombastic" four questions down the line, you won't be able to go back and change your original answer.

  • When you take the CAT, you find out your score right away, instead of having to wait for 5 weeks to get your scores. Instant gratification, baby.

  • Taking the CAT means that you have to get used to doing math problems or reading long passages off a computer screen. While everyone is at the same disadvantage, it does mean that you can't undertake standard test-taking strategies like crossing off the wrong answers with your pencil.

  • You probably remember that the SAT penalized you for answering a question incorrectly. Well the CAT does NOT penalize you for wrong answers. So guess away!

As the CAT is phased in around the country and the paper-and-pencil exam is phased out, many apprehensive test-takers want to know if there's any way to take the exam on paper. Our advice is to not bother looking and just take it on the computer. Many studies undertaken by the Educational Testing Service have shown that the scores are comparable, and by taking the test on a computer, you can find out your scores right away, allowing you to make your future plans more quickly.

3. KNOW WHAT'S ON THE GRE

OK, now it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty: figuring out exactly what's on the test.

The GRE is supposed to show how advanced your critical thinking skills are. Because it doesn't examine any specific area of study (you can't predict exactly what'll be on it), you can't really study for it the way you could memorize dates for a history test. BUT knowing what to expect on the test will definitely make you feel more confident and cut down on the time you'd spend reading instructions.

The GRE tests your verbal, quantitative, and analytical skills. Huh? Think of these as language, math, and thinking skills. Just like the SAT, a question will be presented, and you'll have to pick the 1 correct answer out of the 5 choices (or in the quantitative section, 4 choices) presented. You will receive a score ranging between 200 and 800 for each section, and those scores are what will be sent to the graduate schools you apply to.

The verbal section
The mathematical section
The analytical section

The verbal section

The verbal section requires you to either read passages and synthesize information from them, or prove that you know the definition of tough words. You'll have 30 minutes to complete 30 questions. There are four different types of questions you'll encounter:

Reading comprehension: You'll read several paragraphs about exciting topics like the economics of the Guatemalan broccoli industry and answer questions about it.

Sentence completion: You'll be presented with a sentence with a missing word, and you pick which word best completes the sentence.

I am going to sit next to you on this bench and hold your hand because I _______ you.

a) hate
b) eat
c) shoot
d) humiliate
e) like

Analogies: You'll be presented with two words that have a relationship with each other, and you'll have to pick another pair of words that have the same type of relationship to each other.

HAPPY : SMILE ::

a) dog : cat
b) eat : food
c) oopsy : daisy
d) hello : goodbye
e) sad : frown

Antonyms (opposites): You'll be presented with a word, and you'll have to pick the word that is the most opposite.

UP :

a) eat
b) dog
c) throw
d) President Clinton
e) down

For the two of you out there truly having difficulty with these questions, the answer to all three are E. By the way, the verbal questions on the GRE will be a bit harder, but you get the general idea.

The mathematical section

The mathematical section tests your math skills. Duh. The good news is that the questions generally don't exceed the high school level, so drop that book on advanced imaginary number theory. Rather, the math questions test your ability to reason quantitatively and solve problems. But don't get too lazy . . . you WILL need to use basic algebra and geometry. You will have 45 minutes to complete 28 questions. There are two types of math questions:

Five-option questions: These are problems that ask a question and provide five options from which to select the correct answer. Sometimes the test will just ask a question (like below), and sometimes it will show a graph or table and you'll have to answer several questions about the information presented.

The greatest number of diagonals that can be drawn from one vertex of a six-sided polygon is . . .

a) 3
b) 4
c) 5
d) 6
e) 7

Quantitative comparison: For these math problems, you will be provided with two quantities, and you have to decide which of the two is a bigger number, if the two are equal, or if you don't have enough information to say for sure. These questions can be intimidating because you're not used to the structure, but they're really not that tough.

Column AColumn B2 x 3²2³ x 3

a) The value in column A is greater
b) The value in column B is greater
c) Column A and column B are equal
d) Not enough information to answer the question

The answer is B. In Column B, two cubed (2 x 2 x 2) equals eight, and multiplied by three this equals twenty-four. In Column A, three squared (3 x 3) equals nine, and multiplied by two this equals eighteen. Get it? Oh, and the answer to the first math question is A. Draw a picture and see for yourself.

The analytical section

The analytical section, a 60-minute section of 35 questions, tests your ability to understand relationships and deduce information. That means you're going to have to think, and although that may be annoying, it's a pretty useful skill. Most of these questions are "brainteasers." For example:

Bob wants to eat one donut every day of the week. He only eats chocolate or sprinkled donuts, and he buys his donuts from Shop A or Shop B. His donut-buying habits conform to the following rules:

Bob always eats a chocolate donut on Monday.
Bob always eats a sprinkled donut on Wednesday.
When Bob goes to Shop B, he always goes at least two days in a row.
Bob eats at least four chocolate donuts every week.

You'd then answer questions such as, "Which of the 5 following scenarios is a possible donut-buying schedule?" or, "If the only type of donut Bob buys at Shop B is a chocolate donut, what's the greatest number of sprinkled donuts that Bob can eat in a week?"

So, all that adds up to two hours and fifteen minutes, right? Wrong. The test is actually FOUR HOURS long because there are three more things you'll have to contend with:

  1. A computer tutorial (to prevent you from trying to write on the screen with a pencil).

  2. An experimental section, which is sneakily disguised to look like all the others, but it is not scored. So it'll be an extra verbal, quantitative, or analytical section that you'll have to take, but you won't know which one is real and which one is fake. If you recognize the experimental section, you may take a nap, train a dog, or weave a basket during that time and it won't affect your score. However, if you guess wrong, well . . . ever hear the expression about the creek and the paddle? That will be you. So don't try to out-think the test writers, and just answer all the questions on the test to the best of your ability.

  3. A research section, which will also not be scored. However, unlike the experimental portion, it is optional. Therefore, you may be offered some type of reward (such as a sock puppet or garbanzo beans) for completing it, but it's ultimately your choice.

4. REGISTER FOR THE TEST

We realize that we've thrown a lot of information at your tired brain, and it's a lot to absorb. But now that you know exactly what you're getting into, it's time to suck it up and register for the test. Kind of an important detail, ain't it? But don't worry; the registration process is not exceedingly difficult. Here are the fundamentals:

  • WHEN can I take the GRE? You can take the CAT at almost any point during the year. To register, you simply call 1-800-GRE-CALL (1-800-473-2255). Registration is first come, first serve, however, so be sure to call well ahead of time (that means more than one day in advance, you daredevil). It is also important to make sure you register for an appropriate timeslot. If you cringe at the thought of waking up before 1:00 pm, it's probably not a wise decision to choose the morning test, eh?

  • WHERE can I take the GRE? There are locations available to take the GRE in every state of the union (as well as Guam, Puerto Rico, and several international locations), so to find the center nearest you, either call the GRE hotline above or check out this list.

  • HOW MUCH will it cost to take the GRE? The bad news is that the Microsoft-esque monopoly that the Educational Testing Service has on the GRE dictates that it will cost you a whopping $99 to take this test. Acceptable forms of payment include check, money order, or credit card - no cash or magic beans, please. Fee waivers are possible, and more information about them can be found on the official GRE website. By the way, you pay extra to take the writing test or the subject tests.

  • CAN I PAY a genius to pretend to be me and take the GRE? We appreciate the offer, but no, you have to take the GRE yourself.

5. TAKE THE TEST

The big day has come at last - you're gonna nail that test! The hyperactive excitement you feel is natural, and you should try to funnel it into the GRE (though not too much, or you'll get evicted from the test center for disturbing the peace). Even though there's not much you can do at this point, you can take the test under the best conditions possible. Here's some advice:

  1. Resist the temptation to throw a wild party the night before the test; get a good night of sleep.

  2. Eat a good breakfast.

  3. Allow time to arrive at least 30 minutes early to the test center. And if you've never been to the center before, don't rely on your natural navigational skills, Kemosabe - map out directions beforehand.

  4. Although you may want to make a statement and wear a tuxedo or an evening gown, there is no formal dress code. However, do dress in layers and wear clothes that will be appropriate for both warm and cool temperatures (you never know if the center's air conditioner or furnace will be on the fritz).

  5. Bring two forms of acceptable identification. "Acceptable identification" means that it must be valid, have your name, your picture, and your signature on it. If for some reason the test administrator questions your first piece of evidence, you should always have some backup ID handy.
    Acceptable forms of identification include:

    • Passport
    • Driver's license
    • Employee ID card
    • National identity card
    • Military card
    • Student ID card
    Unacceptable forms of identification include:

    • Expired passport or driver's license
    • Social security card
    • Credit card
    • "License to party" card
    • Note from your Mommy
  6. Bring the names and codes of the schools where you want your scores to be sent. We, being the do-gooders that we are, have a list all ready for you, though you'll need to download Adobe Acrobat to see it.

  7. Don't bring calculators, cellular phones, dictionaries, or cameras - they're prohibited (so if you were planning on bringing your personal Hollywood movie crew for a documentary, think again).

  8. Don't bring food or beverages, because they're also prohibited. So make sure you get a drink before leaving the house. And by the way, using the bathroom is strictly forbidden. Just kidding! You will be given a ten-minute break after the second section, but any other break you take will be on your own test time. During the test, you may be photographed, videotaped, or thumb-printed, so if you see yourself on America's Most Wanted the following week, don't be surprised.

After you've finished the test, you will have to make a gut-wrenching decision whether to drink heavily or just go to sleep. Before that, however, you'll also to have to decide whether or not to view your score. If you think you're sitting pretty with a high score, you can view your unofficial score on the screen and then have it sent to up to four institutions at no charge (besides the original $99 you had to fork over). However, if you think your scores don't represent your intellectual prowess, then you may cancel them (without seeing your score). If you do nullify the test, you cannot reinstate it, even if you beg, plead, or bribe, and you will not get a refund. So think twice about canceling them, because you can learn your strengths and weaknesses from the scores, and don't forget that you may take the test once every month, so there's always a second chance.

Now that you know the general basics of the GRE, it's time to read our other article: SoYouWanna ace the GRE? This SYW will teach you all the tricks about how to get the highest score you can muster. So once you've committed yourself to taking the GRE, head on over there and learn how to ace that sucka!