5. STICK TO YOUR BUDGET

By now you're probably thinking that this should have been named "SYW Become a Penny-Pinching Dork?" Perhaps everything we've explained so far seems anal, but if you really want to manage your money effectively and start building a savings account, you gotta do it. The good news is that after a few weeks of this, it'll become a habit and you'll realize that all your bills are being paid and you still have enough money left over for the Ginsu knives that somehow became essential to your happiness. You'll also realize that if you have a sudden unexpected cost (What?! My dog has manic-depression and needs a year's supply of lithium?!), you won't be caught with $0.

If you worry about your ability to manage this money, here we come to the rescue with your mantra:

IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT, YOU CAN'T SPEND IT

This applies to all aspects of your budget. So meditate, do yoga, use subliminal messages, whatever you have to do to get it through that noggin, but learn it. Fast.

Most importantly: always transfer your basic needs funds to the secondary checking account immediately after you're paid. Don't adopt the attitude that you'll do it at the end of week - if it's in a separate account, it'll be much easier to avoid spending it. Procrastination is a surefire way to kill your budget.

Cash

A good strategy is to carry only what you think you'll need (not exactly, but pretty close) - again, if the cash is there, burning a hole in your wallet/purse, you're gonna spend it, and it'll be spent on something you don't really want but looks good at that moment (like that t-shirt that says "Golfers Do It 'Til They're Green").

Credit cards

Get out of the habit of using credit cards. They're good to have for emergencies (ahem… an autographed Barbra Streisand handkerchief is not an emergency) and major purchases (an autographed Barbra Streisand handkerchief is a major purchase), but if you constantly charge it, you'll wind up spending double what you would have because the interest will pile up. If you already owe a ton, go to your bank to consolidate the debt - it'll save you interest charges. A good way to manage your credit card bill is to only use ONE credit card and cut up your others (it'll be a fun memory of your fake ID days).

If you're new to this whole budget thing, you'll probably go through a couple rocky weeks and have to be "scared straight." That's okay - but follow The Rule - it's one thing to not be able to put money away for savings for a week or two, or even to have to eat frugally for a little while - but you definitely don't want your heat or phone cut off, or have to deal with eviction.

If you live in a high-density area, (New York, LA, Chicago, Philly, etc.), there's such a tight market for living space that your landlord may boot you out in the cold if you miss even one payment. And delinquency in any bill payments may hurt your credit rating - remember, you're in the real world, where things like that actually matter.

There're tons of sites about budgets out there, but here are a few to get you started. You can even type in your costs and income and receive a personalized budget (though it's best to do it on your own the way we described):

If you're already the frugal, budget-minded type, most of this is probably old news. (Hey, you're the one who kept reading, sucker.) However, if most of this terrifies you, take heart that our job is not to suck the fun out of your life (leave that to your job) - it's just to make sure you can pay your bills and to help you cut down on waste. So good luck, financial warrior. And if you're wondering how Imelda turned out… well, she scoffed at this advice. So on your way to work, when you hear a ukulele playin' the blues, tell her we say "hello."