What images pop up in your mind when you think about camping?

Scenario #1:

Green grass, friendly squirrels eating out of your hand, birds chirping, sleeping under a lovely sheet of midnight stars, communing with nature Scenario #2:

Sleeping on mud, evil squirrels biting your hand, birds crapping all over your stuff, sleeping with large bugs in the rain, cursing out nature


The real answer probably lies somewhere between the two. Yes, camping is great outdoorsy fun, but you also can't forget that along with the outdoors comes unpredictability. If you don't plan your trip correctly, then you might accidentally end up with rain, huge bugs, or those evil squirrels. Fortunately, we're here to help you out with the basics of spending the night in the great outdoors - what to expect, what to bring, and how to keep those pesky bears from stealing your picnic basket.

1. DECIDE JUST HOW ROUGH YOU WANT TO

There are various levels of camping. Basically, it can be broken down three ways: 1) wilderness, 2) luxury, and 3) what we call "camping lite." Your choice will affect the type of equipment you use, what you need to pack, and whether it's safe to rent The Blair Witch Project the night before.

Wilderness camping

This is intense stuff-when we say "wilderness," we mean "wilderness." No ranger checking up on you, no cabin, no Quik-E Mart down the road. During wilderness camping, you pitch a tent in the middle of the woods and completely fend for yourself. In other words, it's caveman camping: sleep outside, get your own food, pee in the woods, and connect with nature. It is extremely important that you read our safety precautions in step 5 very carefully if you want to have a safe wilderness camping trip.

If you've never gone camping in your life, then you really shouldn't try wilderness camping on your first foray unless you're with people who have done it before. You don't want to get out there after hiking all day only to realize that you can't fall asleep without Jay Leno or that relieving yourself in the woods is not your cup of tea. Or, even worse, you could fall down a hole or get lost. Instead, start off easy with some "camping lite," and work your way into wilderness camping as you gain experience.

For a list of recommended camping sites, check out Trails.com's camping directory.

"Camping lite"

It might sound like "wuss" camping, but it's safe, especially for families. "Camping lite" basically works like this: you pay a fee, pull into your assigned campsite, and the rest is up to you. You pitch your tent, start your campfire, and do whatever else you need. Showers and rest rooms are provided nearby (and sometimes there will be other amenities: a pool, game room, laundry facilities, or a convenience store). Think of it like practice camping. Lite sites are where to go to get away from it all without sacrificing all of comforts of home. And though it sounds pretty easy, believe us, you're still roughing it plenty.

Kampgrounds of America (KOA) has over 75,000 camping locations around North America. Some of their pricier options border on luxury camping, but if you go with the barebones basics (paying about $25 for a camping site), it can still be campy.

Luxury camping

This may as well not be called camping at all. It can come in handy when you are on the road and want to feel rustic but not get dirty. Camping is reduced to sleeping in cabins, footsteps away from the pool and tennis courts. Room service is available, your bed is made for you and you are generally treated like royalty. Sure, it might be relaxing to be near nature, but it's barely camping.

If you're looking for a luxury camping site, try The Point in the Adirondacks. Originally built as a location for the Rockefellers to enjoy, it has linens in every room, breakfast in bed, and plenty of activities to keep you busy.

2. SHOP FOR YOUR GEAR

Once you have chosen a place to stay, it's time to hit the stores. Give yourself plenty of time to make the right decision and don't be too shy to test products right there on the sales floor (but try not to break anything). The items that should be given the most attention are:

Tent
Sleeping Bag
Backpack
Cookware
Food

Tent

This will keep you warm (or cool, depending), keep the bugs away, and shelter you from whatever nature decides to throw at you. Important features to look at are: size and weight, ventilation, waterproofing, and color.

  • Size and weight: How much room do you need exactly? This depends on how much time you intend to spend in the tent. For example, if you plan a weekend away in the summer, then you can stand to use a smaller one. If you will be hiking your way through the Adirondacks during the rain season, you may want something roomier since it will be more of a home. A higher- priced bulky tent will be worth it for the comfort it will provide. Backpackers will want something as light as possible without being flimsy, while those traveling by car can stand to lug around a 30 pound tent for six. When judging the size, allow adequate room for each person and their gear and hopefully some personal space. How close do you want to get with your buddies anyway?

  • Ventilation: Why do you need to worry about ventilation? Well, we assume that after being outside for a couple of days, chances are that you will be a tad, shall we say, "hygienically-challenged," and so will your roomies (or should we call them tenties?). You also need good ventilation so you can breath on those humid August nights, even with your tent zipped tight (lest you be attacked by giant bugs or nosy kids). Three season tents are perfect for most camping trips (called "three season" because they're not made for tough winter conditions). Four season tents are the tents you use for a rainstorm or trip to the Arctic. Four season tents offer less ventilation and a cook hole so you don't have to step outside in the cold to make breakfast, but they should keep you warm in the winter and cool in the summer.

  • Waterproofing: You know the weatherman is always wrong, so you should prepare yourself for the worst of conditions (even if Al Roker promises a sunny, beautiful weekend). There's nothing worse than spending the night in a wet tent. It'll make all of your stuff smell, and you won't get much sleep. So our recommendation is that you spring for high-quality material. You won't regret it, even if it sets you back a few bucks. Just keep in mind that unless you get a top-of-the-line four season tent, most tents will leak a little, so a good waterproof sleeping bag will let you rest a little easier. Also, bring extra tarp to cover the tent for added protection.

  • Color: It is advisable to stick with neutral colors that blend well with nature to avoid being an eyesore. However, if you are not camping in a designated site, you should get the brightest neon possible, since it'll be highly visible if (heaven forbid) something goes wrong and you can't find your tent or you become the target of a search and rescue mission.

Sleeping bag

Your bed-away-from-home must be comfortable and appropriate to the weather. You don't want to settle in on your first night and freeze or sweat the night away because you bought the wrong type of bag. A good night's sleep is very important when you are hiking all day and sharing close quarters. Grumpiness CAN ruin friendships. We've all seen The Real World.

There are bags out there for every occasion. Winter bags, if you're crazy enough to brave temperatures below freezing, and three season bags for mild to hot conditions (some even have a zip-out lining for more flexibility). Make sure it is sufficiently insulated for those cold nights. If you're still chilly, throw on the hat that you packed (more about that later) to prevent body heat from escaping. You may also want to bring a mattress pad for added comfort. The foam "egg crate"-looking mats are light and will roll up tightly to save room in your bag. One last thing: if you can get a sleeping bag with a built-in pillow, go for it. It'll be one thing less to pack, and after a long day of camping, you'd trade your own sister for a good pillow.

Backpack

Weight, again, is an important issue if you are hiking, as you will be wearing this thing all day long. How the weight is distributed will determine if the backpack is your best friend or the bane of your existence. Because your hips will be able to bear a lot more weight than your shoulders, a hipbelt on your bag will come in handy. The hipbelt should neither be too soft nor too firm and should cup over your hipbones. Of course, with time, they have gotten more sophisticated and are now available with several different types of foam-in-one to accommodate any situation. Shoulder straps should also not be too soft as they will begin to dig into your skin after a few hours. Finally, an internal frame (which runs along the curve of your back, thus transferring the weight without sacrificing flexibility) will also help make you a happy camper. All this stuff can get a little pricey, but if you're camping for more than a couple days, it's worth it. You don't want to end your trip more stressed out than at the start.

As for construction, this element can also save your sanity. Many packs offer a separate compartment for your sleeping bag as well as a pouch to stow away wet items such as your tent or raincoat (so that your favorite sweatshirt or teddy bear doesn't get ruined). Too many outside pockets will affect the weight distribution and should be avoided. Extra loops and straps can be used for bulky items or tools. Also convenient is smaller bag that can be zipped off the main pack when you have set up camp and don't want to lug that huge monstrosity around.

Cookware

If you don't feel like rubbing two sticks together, a Dutch oven can be used to cook just about anything from cakes to soups to pancakes. However, Dutch ovens are pretty heavy and have a propensity to rust. Plates should ideally be made of heavy plastic, which is lighter than most metals, easy to clean, and will retain heat longer. Paper plates are NOT recommended since they cannot be cleaned and must be tossed after use and will attract animals and bugs if not disposed of properly.

Campfire permits may be required outside of designated campgrounds. Free permits may be obtained from the U.S. Forest Service or the particular state's Dept. of Forestry. To find out about permits at your particular site, call the Forest Service at 1-877-444-6777.

Food

There's a reason they call it grub. Not much variety out there in the woods. The most important fact we can press on you is this: before you leave, make a list of exactly what you want to eat, and then bring an extra day's worth. You don't want to go short on food, or you'll have a Lord of the Flies situation on your hands. People never realize how hungry they get while camping until they've had a day full of walking up hills and swimming in lakes. You'll need food and snacks to keep your energy up.

Scoutorama.com is a good camping food resource, for those of you bored with the usual can of beans. If you're not too picky, dried foods are very convenient, due to their light weight. Anything from ice cream to fruit to meat and fish can be dried. Canned foods will add variety, but they're heavier to lug around. In general, though, granola bars are good for energy and Gatorade is good for keeping you from getting dehydrated. And remember to stay away from salty foods. They'll just make you thirsty, leading to fights over who gets the last drop of water from the canteen.

3. PACK THE RIGHT STUFF

After you choose your bag, it's time to fill it up. This should be done in the store prior to its purchase, so that you can really test out its quality and strength. Don't worry if people give you strange looks for filling the backpack in the store . . . would you rather see it fall apart in the middle of the Ozarks? Here are the 10 things that you absolutely cannot do without:

  • Map
  • Compass
  • Water and a way to purify it
  • Extra food
  • Rain gear and extra clothing
  • Firestarter and matches (waterproof matches are invaluable)
  • First aid kit
  • Army knife or multi-purpose tool
  • Flashlight and extra bulbs (and batteries, for that matter)
  • Sun screen and sun glasses

Other essentials are: a hat to keep you warm at night - as we mentioned earlier--and for shading you from the sun since sunscreen is not always sufficient. If firewood is not provided at your site, bring along an axe. Rope can be used for a clothesline, among other things, and bungee cords can be used to lock a cooler (another necessity) or hang a lantern. A portable shower and/or toilet will be invaluable when camping for a week or more in rougher conditions. A solar shower is made simply of a black plastic bag and a hose with a shut-off clip. Direct sunlight will warm five gallons of water in about three hours. Most importantly, don't forget a camera to record special moments, such as your sweetie-pie pooping in the woods. We advise that you leave the fancy one home and buy some disposables or a pocket camera, in case of loss or damage.

Knowing what to pack is only half the battle; you must also learn how to pack for optimal comfort and convenience.

Again, most backpacks provide a separate compartment for your sleeping bag. You can stuff your tent and tarps in there as well - this way, when you set up camp, you won't have to unpack everything first. Most of the weight should be at the top, so clothes go in next. Keep a few items in outer pockets for easy access such as a hat, gloves and rain gear, as well as any item that is used daily such as toothpaste, sunscreen, water, mosquito repellent and camera. Food, fuel, and cooking utensils are next and should be packed carefully so they are not poking you in the back. Keep the fuel away from the food in case of a spill. If you choose to bring a mattress, this can be rolled up and strapped to your pack, or stowed inside if there's room.

4. SET UP CAMP

You've planned, you've packed, you've hiked. You're exhausted! Now it's time to pitch a tent (get your mind out of the gutter). Pitching your tent is the last thing you feel like doing, right? Hopefully you've done a trial run in your backyard, because it would suck to suddenly realize that some poles are missing or that your tent has huge holes in it. Read over your tent-building directions to make sure they are clear.

Upon arriving at your site, inspect the ground thoroughly for glass, poison ivy, large dead animals, and other potential hazards. Clean up the area, removing any rocks or branches before erecting your makeshift home. Make sure that the ground is as dry as possible and as level as possible.

Keep the noise level down (no AC/DC albums at 2 a.m.) and don't leave campfires unattended. Heed Smokey the Bear's warnings or he'll sic his untamed cousins on you, like Yogi and Gentle Ben. They can be bastards when the cameras are off.

Finally, remember to be kind to the environment. Leave the campsite just how you found it or even cleaner. Use products that reduce waste, such as no-rinse soap. Don't leave any garbage behind, and burn what debris you can (again, without pissing off Smokey). When your fire has died down, scrape the remains into the center and bury the ash so that you don't kill the grass that surrounds it. Take any charred wood with you. The cleaner you leave the site, the more likely it will be that the next campers will respect it as well.

5. PLAY IT SAFE

You're a good kid, and we'd like to keep you around for a while. Having said that, we think you should carefully consider the following safety tips:

  • Remain calm. As impossible as it sounds, you must not panic.
  • Avoid camping alone in isolated areas. Ever hear of the Boogeyman?

  • Park your vehicle so it cannot be blocked by another vehicle in case of emergency.

  • We suggest that you do not bring pets. Leave them home, and make sure that you have someone checking up on them. Pets easily get lost in the wilderness.

  • Familiarize yourself with local emergency locations and phone numbers.

  • Avoid leaving your camping gear unattended.

  • Get to know your camping neighbors, and help protect each other's belongings.

  • Avoid walking alone at night. Again, the Boogeyman.

  • Carry a spare lock so you can use storage containers available at many parks.

  • Always lock your camping trailer towing hitch so your trailer cannot be towed away.

  • Before taking weapons with you, be aware of regulation. In many parks and wildlife refuges it is illegal to carry weapons. You might accidentally shoot the Boogeyman, and then his Boogeywife will be after you.

Once you've digested all that, there are other issues to deal with, including . . .

Bears
Pests
Ticks
Poison Ivy, Oak and Sumac

Bears

While bears generally won't harm you, there are certain steps you can take to avoid having one rip your face off. When hiking, carry pepper spray and keep a sharp eye out for bear evidence (such as poop larger than your boot). Tightly seal off ALL food, drinks, garbage, and anything else with a scent from tree branches in tightly-wrapped double baggies. If you see a bear, NEVER approach it . . . haven't you ever seen When Animals Attack? Don't panic, and don't run. Calmly back away. If the bear charges, then lie facedown on the ground, covering your neck with your hands. But whatever you do, don't fight back - the bear will interpret this to be an aggressive act, making it even angrier.

Pests

By "pests" we mean mosquitoes and wild animals - not your little brother. Unless you want to attract swarms of bugs, avoid wearing bright colors and perfume (guess those atomizer-wielding department store ladies should stay behind the cosmetics counter if they know what's good for them). Use repellent for mosquitoes, and keep your campsite clean. Wash dishes and cooking equipment thoroughly and seal up garbage in plastic bags and containers until it can be disposed of safely.

Ticks

You can keep ticks off your hair and body by wearing a hat, tucking your pants into your socks (like you did in the '80s), and wearing long sleeved shirts and light colors (ticks will show up better and can be removed sooner). Check yourself frequently. If found, ticks can be removed using a pair of tweezers and some patience. Lyme disease (no relation to lemyn disease) is a possible consequence of contact with ticks. Symptoms include a flat or slightly raised lesion that is up to several inches in size, fever, headache, lethargy, muscle pains, stiff neck and joint inflammation. If you exhibit any of these, seek medical help ASAP. Lyme disease can be treated with antibiotics if caught early enough, but it can also cause major health problems in the heart, nervous system and joints if left to run its course. More information about Lyme disease can be found here.

Poison ivy, oak and sumac

As they say, leaves of three, let it be. (Huh? Do they really say that?) In other words, be on the lookout for leaves with three leaflets. They're bad. Since you will already be wearing long sleeves and tucked in pants to avoid ticks, you should be relatively safe from poison ivy as well. If you still manage to get a rash, wash the area with soap and cold water as soon as possible. Also, lather up your clothes and gear. Urushiol (you-ROO-shee-ol), the ingredient in sap that causes allergic reactions, can spread very easily if not controlled. Contrary to popular belief, poison ivy rashes are not contagious from person to person - there must be direct contact with urushiol. To relieve the rash, take cool showers and rub calamine lotion on infected areas. Antihistamines such as Benadryl will also relieve itchiness, and usually cause drowsiness so you can get a good night's sleep. A warm bath with oatmeal or baking soda will alleviate pain from oozing sores and itchiness.

So now you know that a fun camping trip is well-planned and well-researched. Each camper must be willing to do his or her fair share of all the hard work involved. We've given you the basics; it's up to you to solve the mystery of the Blair Witch. So go out there and become one with nature, but please do come back!

But, if you're still having difficulty figuring out how to rub two sticks together, then check out this camping video. It's smokin'.

WATCH THIS HOW-TO VIDEO