Contrary to popular belief, announcing that you're running off to join the circus does not have to be an empty threat. First off, it's completely doable. And secondly, there are so many reasons to do it:

  • You're bored at your desk job. So bored, that you're putting on stage plays with your office supplies. (Your leading man: Stanley Stapler.)

  • You've always wanted to know how they cram all those clowns into that tiny car, and you're willing to go to extremes to uncover the truth.

  • You come from a long line of jugglers and your parents would be very disappointed in you if you got a real job.

  • You're searching for a new boy/girlfriend, and those limber people on the flying trapeze are looking pretty good.

  • You've decided it's time to put your five nipples to use. Hey, you've been called a freak all your life; why not get paid for it?

Bottom line: you've always wanted to do it and now we're telling you that you can. So (cue booming announcer voice): "Ladies and Gentlemen…Kids of all Ages…we present you with the Greatest SYW on Earth." Please don't throw peanuts.

1. LEARN ABOUT CIRCUS LIFE

Before we move on to the actual process of joining the circus, we first must shatter some illusions. Circus life is not actually as carefree or glamorous as it may appear. True, it's a little more carefree and glamorous than, say, being a paralegal, but it involves lots of hard work and sacrifice too. Here are some things to expect:

  • You'll have to move into a circus trailer. It may be located next to the scary lion trailer, or worse yet, the gnarly-smelling elephant trailer.

  • You'll be expected to put on a smile and work weekdays, weekends, and some holidays, through fatigue and bad moods, even when there are only five people in the audience.

  • After each succession of performances is over, you pack up, move to a new town, and do it all over again. This goes on year-round.

The upside to all this is that you'll get to see the world (or at least the country), and the awe and applause of the audience will gratify your narcissism to no end. Plus, because of their nomadic lifestyle, circus people form tight-knit communities. Marriage between circus folk is common, and kids often travel with the crew and get schooled by their performing parents. So if you join the circus, you'll inherit a very special family of weirdos. Maybe you'll even get a date.

As can be expected given all the camaraderie, circuses have traditionally been very big on nepotism. The lion tamer's son would always be the first in line to inherit the whip when dad eventually retires/gets mauled. Fortunately, in these present Cirque du Soleil days, it's not uncommon for circuses to recruit new talent. So you've still got a chance (even if the bearded lady ain't your aunt).

2. PICK AND PERFECT A CIRCUS TALENT

We're not going to lie to you: not anyone can join the circus. Just because you're ready to abandon your dental practice to give tightrope-walking a shot doesn't mean that all the circus owners will be clamoring for a piece of you. You've got to have some sort of circus talent. Unless, of course, you're willing to clean animal poop.

While no one expects you to be a juggling genius or a unicycling prodigy (although it certainly couldn't hurt), the circus does look for people who know their stuff. So if you haven't already, find an interest and perfect it by taking lessons and/or attending a circus school or camp. We'll get into circus schools later, but first, we'll discuss your occupation choices.

Highly-specialized circus talents
Less-specialized circus talents
And if all else fails…

Highly-specialized circus talents

The following circus occupations are ones that you've probably never tried before because they're not popular hobbies or your average after-school lessons. The fact is that unless you are intensely determined, you probably can't get one of these jobs. But who are we to stand in the way of your foolish dreams?

  • Trapeze artist. If you are somebody who yawns on roller coasters, you're perfect for the trapeze. Keep in mind, however, that you'll have to develop your arm muscles and get over your bitter distrust of coworkers. For more info, check out TrapezeArts.com.

  • Tightrope walker. Funambulism (tightrope-walking's fancier name) started off as "rope-dancing" and used to be performed over knives. Just be thankful that the profession has evolved. Visit this site for more interesting facts and a breathtaking job description.

  • Fire breather/Eater. Okay, to set the record straight, we don't advocate you looking for any job that involves shoving a burning stick down your throat (unless we're getting a cut of your stipend). But because we're here to educate and not coddle, here's a site on firebreathing, including steps on how to do it (and useful tips such as: "make sure no one is standing in front of you when you firebreathe;" and "get the address of the nearest intensive care unit before you start").

  • Bearded lady. A genetic predisposition is required.

Less-specialized circus talents

Many people already possess the ability to juggle, work with animals, or do impressive flips. If you're one of these people, you have a great advantage over the average wannabe circus performer and should look into developing your talent.

  • Stilt Walker. If you've tried it and you're a natural, you have our blessing to make a career out of stilt walking. It's fun and it makes you taller. What more do you need?

  • Clown. You find that people frequently laugh and point- you're already halfway there! To learn more about clowning, visit the Clown Museum. And please don't be one of those scary clowns that make children cry.

  • Unicycler. Any unicycler will attest to this: once you've mastered just one wheel, you can never go back to two. It's not nearly as hard as it seems. Check out Unicycling.org for more info.

  • Juggler. So you know how to juggle three balls, eh? Wimp. Visit Expert Village for fancier juggling tricks to add to your repertoire. Don't call the circus until you've mastered the art of juggling axes, bowling balls, babies, and flaming torches (and we're talkin' at the same time).

  • Acrobat. Just 'cause you can do two cartwheels in a row doesn't mean you're circus material. If you're dreaming of becoming a professional acrobat, you've hopefully been taking gymnastics classes since you were one and a half. Many people are limber - you've got to be better and than all of them. To learn more, click here.

And if all else fails…

  • Ringmaster. A good ringmaster possesses the ability to command the attention of a crowd and excite people, but we're going to let you in on a little secret: it's basically just public speaking in a tent. If you have a booming voice and a sense of the theatrical, it might be perfect.

  • Animal Caretaker/Trainer. If you want to join the circus but not actually be in the circus, this is the route to take. The only qualifications to be an animal caretaker/trainer are that you love animals and are willing to devote your life to them. To find out if this is the life for you, take a look at How To Become An Animal Trainer on eHow.

  • Roustabout. If all the occupations listed above sound too dangerous, too daunting, or just too weird for you, consider getting a job as a roustabout. Roustabouts are the people who put up the tents, drive the buses, feed the animals and clowns, etc. They play very important roles in the circus, even though they never show up in the center ring. They're the handymen and handywomen.

3. GO TO CIRCUS SCHOOL

It's true what they say: these days you really can't get anywhere without a diploma, and the circus is no exception. But at least circus schools won't require you to take those silly SATs. On the other hand, you'd better have lots of energy and a kick-ass smile.

Listed below are some of the more famous circus schools/camps/classes offered in the United States. (For a list of schools outside the U.S., click here.) If none of these schools are located in your vicinity, check out your local community college to see if they offer classes in circus arts. (If you really enjoy those classes, you might consider pursuing a PhD in human cannonballogy.)

San Francisco School of Circus Arts
San Francisco, California
Phone: 415-759-8123
E-mail: [email protected]

Dell'Arte School of Physical Theatre
Blue Lake, California
Phone: (707) 668-5663

St. Louis School of Circus Arts
Saint Louis Science Center 5050 Oakland Ave St. Louis, MO
Phone: 314-289-4424
Email: [email protected]

Circus Arts Workshop
1153 Bellview Rd., McLean, VA
Phone: 703-759-0767

The Ballet Academy of Warrenton (Acrobatics)
Warrenton, Virginia
Email: [email protected]

Horizon's Circus Camp
Atlanta, Georgia
Phone: 404-370-0001
E-mail: [email protected]

Clowning around
in Raleigh, North Carolina

Flying High Circus at Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida
Phone: 850-644-4874
Email: [email protected]

Pricilla Mooseburger Originals
Maple Lake, Minnesota
Phone: 800-973-6277
Email: [email protected]

LaBrecque Studios Performing Arts Center
Lynbrook, New York
Phone: 516-593-5533

The Celebration Barn Theater
South Paris, Maine
Phone: 207-743-8452

4. GET A JOB

Enough of that preliminary stuff; here's the part you've been waiting for. Again, we remind you that before you can get a circus job, you need talent and training, so if you skipped step two and step three, go back and read them, cheater.

Once you've got your act down pat, it's time to beg.

Circus jobs
Jobs related to the circus

Circus jobs

You can probably find lots of information about joining some popular circuses from your circus school or class. But if you missed the career fair, don't fret. Here's an extensive list of circus websites (just click on the "CIRCUSES" icon on the left side). Visit each of them to locate phone numbers/email addresses with which you can inquire about joining. You'll find that most circus organizations are fairly accessible and open to the idea of recruiting, even circus empires like Ringling Brothers. All you have to do is ask (and probably send in a video of your act or audition in person).

Don't forget that you don't have to be a performer to join the circus. Roustabouts, animal caretakers/trainers, and equipment managers are just as important, and circuses are always looking for people to fill those behind-the-scenes positions.

Jobs related to the circus

No matter how hard you work at your talent or how diligently you look for a job, there's still a chance that no circus will want you. Not even as a poop cleaner. That's just sad. Loser.

If you've still got big top fever and refuse to give up altogether, there are other jobs out there to help you invoke the circus spirit.

  • Teacher. If you really enjoyed taking circus classes, then look into teaching the basics of a circus art. Contact the schools listed in step two, a local community college, or the Y about teaching juggling, acrobatics, tightrope walking, or clowning. (That is, assuming that you can already do these things proficiently; parents get a bit grumpy when you randomly throw knives at their children)

  • Performer At An Amusement Park. Consider contacting an amusement park located near you for a job. Amusement parks often employ people with physical talent to perform in their daily shows. You could be the dorky performer in the background of everyone's home videos and photographs! The things we do for exposure…

  • Animal Caretaker/Trainer. If you're capable of putting a tutu on a cheetah or teaching an elephant to roll over (but can't get a gig with a circus) look into getting a job in porn. Just kidding. Look into getting a job at the zoo, a variety show, or even at an animal obedience school.

And now you're ready to join the circus. Go to it, Bozo! (That, of course, is a circus compliment.)