Everyday you feed it more and more - a jacket, some scarves, a pair of clogs, some books, a Pictionary set missing half the cards - until its monstrous mass finally overwhelms you. Everyone has at least one closet that could be declared a natural disaster. So you only have two options: Write to the President asking to receive funds from FEMA, or get yourself organized. And because we'd feel guilty recommending that you take federal money away from earthquake victims, this SYW will guide you through the process of making sense out of that chaotic hole you call a closet.

By the way, you're going to learn how to organize a clothes closet, but the same principles apply to linen or utility closets. Good thing too - you're a real slob!

1. REMOVE EVERYTHING FROM THE CLOSET

Think of this step as your journey into the great unknown… you never know what little goodies you'll find lurking in the dark recesses of a closet. So the first step is to remove every single item inside it. EVERYTHING. This serves two purposes:

  1. You'll be able to see exactly what kind of space you have to work with.

  2. You'll be so embarrassed by your pile of junk sitting on your floor/bed/sofa/dog, that you'll have no other option but to organize it neatly.

Once your closet can again see the light of day, scrub it down. Martha Stewart recommends a tangy lemon-flavored recipe you can make yourself, but soap and water will work too.

2. SEPARATE THE ITEMS YOU REMOVED

Most people hate this step since it involves getting rid of items that you've owned since you were eight years old. To make the impending separation a little easier, follow these two steps:

Divide items into bins
Get rid of everything but the Keep Bin

Divide items into bins

Gather four bins from your local discount store and label according to the guidelines below Boxes will work just as well, but make sure they're strong enough to support a heavy load. Then put each item into the appropriate bin.

  • Keep Bin: The hard and fast rule for deciding what items to keep is to look at how often you wear/use the item. For clothes, any item you have not worn more than twice in the last year should not be included. Be extremely harsh; if there's even a doubt, do not throw it into the Keep Bin. That's how you got into this mess in the first place.

  • Throw Away Bin: You'll probably notice halfway through the process that your Keep Bin is overflowing while the rest are virtually empty. However, if you think about it, some of your possessions are probably ripped, stained, broken, or in some other state of calamity. So any item that is 100% unsalvageable should go directly into the Throw Away Bin. However, do not put an item into the Throw Away Bin just because it's ugly - those items should go into your Donate Bin.

  • Sell and Donate Bins (one of each): These bins will be the heaviest, because chances are that most of your stuff isn't ruined, just out of style or ill-fitting. If it's been over a year since you've fit into the garment, donate it (keeping clothes that don't fit will just take up room from other outfits that could make you look fabulous right now). We strongly suggest that you give as much of your stuff as possible to Goodwill - it'll make you feel good, and you may get a tax break.

    However, if you gave at the office and want to make a little extra cash, you can always take things in particularly good shape to a consignment store. Suits and sweaters will likely fetch the best price, but many consignment stores will accept almost anything that's in good shape.

Get rid of everything but the Keep Bin

The minute you finish putting your stuff into bins, immediately get rid of the Throw Away, Sell, and Donate Bins. If you keep those bins around, rest assured that they'll somehow find a way to get back into your closet. So once everything gets binned…

  1. Get some large trash bags, and put your Throw Away Bin items into them. Put the trash bags outside with the other garbage, and be thankful that you got rid of some stuff.

  2. Put the Sell and Donate Bins in the back of your car and take them to the appropriate locations.

  3. Go home and take a shower. You probably smell bad after lugging all those old clothes around.

3. DIVIDE REMAINING ITEMS

You should now be left with substantially fewer clothes than when you started (if you have more clothes, then the laws of physics apparently do not apply to your closet), so you are now ready to begin sorting. So turn on some music and start sorting your way through your remaining possessions. If there is a fun part to organizing a closet (and that's debatable), this would be it. To make the process easier, try to divide your items into four categories:

The Season Category
The Type Category
The Use Category
The "What the Hell Is This?" Category

The Season Category

The first thing you should do is separate all of your clothes into three categories:

  • Summer
  • Winter
  • Spring/Autumn

You are sorting purely for functionality - winter stuff will include your heavy jackets, summer stuff will include swimsuits.

If you have the room at home, take out-of-season garments and put them in clear bins or garment bags. Be sure to put some cedar in with your clothes. Cedar stinks but it does keep away moths and besides, you can always wash your stuff to get the smell out. If you have a little extra money and are really at a loss for storage space, you can always store your items at a dry cleaners. Most will do this for the cost of dry cleaning but its best to call ahead to make sure of the store's policy.

The Type Category

Start by getting all of your professional clothes together. You know, the suits with sleeves long enough to cover up your tribute tattoo to Britney Spears. Don't forget to include any outfits you might wear on an office casual day. This will make getting dressed in the morning so easy that you'll be able to hit your sleep button five times instead of four. The next type of clothing you'll want to separate is special occasion outfits. By this point you should have lost the lime green tux, so this pile should be pretty easy to manage. The last pile to organize is your casual stuff. These items range from your weekend wear to stuff only your dog should ever see you in.

The Use Category

Now look at your three neat piles and decide how often you wear each piece. This is going to seem unbelievably anal, but believe us it works. Take your three piles of clothing and divide each pile into common-wear and infrequent-wear clothing.

The "What The Hell Is This?" Category

So you've followed all the steps and you're now left with a pile of odds and ends that don't belong anywhere. We'll chalk these items up as accessories. Chances are these items are a mixture of shoes, belts, scarves and suspenders. Divide this stuff up by what part of the body they apply to. It won't be perfect but it will eliminate clutter in the long run.

4. USE CLOSET ORGANIZERS

Let this be your new personal mantra: closet organizers are the gifts of the Gods. These simple and inexpensive items will make organizing your closet a snap. There are three main types of organizers that can fit any closet, no matter its size: shelves, specialty clothes hangers and shoe racks.

  • Shelves: Shelves serve one major purpose: they provide you with a place to put all the things that would otherwise go on the floor. People who break out into hives at the mere mention of Bob Villa should look into using pre-assembled stackable shelves-they come in a variety of sizes and bend to fit the dimensions of your closet. Installed shelves, however, tend to be able to hold more weight. They can be found at most home improvement stores.

  • Specialty Clothes Hangers: You'll also want to purchase a variety of clothes hangers. Before you decide which type of hangers would be best for you, do us a favor and get rid of all the bent-out-of-shape metal hangers lurking in your closet. Look for collapsible, multi-tiered hangers, which save space by allowing you to hang to multiple garments at once.

  • Shoe Racks: You'll also want to invest in a sturdy shoe rack, which come in all shapes and sizes. If you're dealing with a small closet, get a hanging shoe rack that you can attach to the back of the door. Most stores also sell shoe bags (with pouches) that can be fixed to the wall. In addition to shoes, these pouches are good for storing scarves or belts. Make sure the pouches are transparent, though, or else they'll become a breeding ground for all your odds and ends. Another way to organize your shoes is to keep the original shoebox and paste a picture of the shoes on each box so that you know what's inside. Granted, the film processor will look at you strangely, but at least you'll be organized. If you're hell bent on keeping your shoes on the floor, however, then at least point each pair of shoes in a different direction. We swear this will give you extra room.

Well that's it. You should now be perfectly organized. Now if only you could find somewhere to put your life size cardboard cutout of Spock…