Most of us are fairly paranoid about our looks, and for good reason: we all make quick judgments about other people based on the way they look—and we all know they're doing the same to us. So how do we deal with this situation and cobble together some self-esteem? Well, let's start by putting our best face forward—or at least an acne- and wrinkle-free one.

There are two basic ways to build a respectable visage: just like everything else in the free world, you can either do it yourself or pay someone else to do it for you. Taking the matter into your own hands can be overwhelming because of the enormous array of beauty products on the market — for an adult male, it might be easier to start learning Conversational !Kung than to decipher the difference between an alpha hydroxy exfoliant and an occlusive moisturizer.

The second option — having someone else handle the problem — is a good way to find a salve for years of untreated dermal abuse, and to see first-hand what beauticians do and have a chance to ask them for tips. But remember: whether you decide to give yourself a make-over or to pay for one at a salon, you're going to need to know some basic skin-care tips for daily maintenance. Most experts agree that a standard three-step regimen is all you need to keep your face in good shape. Of course, if you have more serious skin conditions, we can give you some great places to start looking for more involved solutions.

1. CLEANSE DAILY

If this step is a surprise to you, you are really going to need help with your skin. If you don't want your face to look like crap, then clean it! Do we really need to say more than that?

Well, actually, we do. Simply knowing that you need to wash your face everyday is not going to cut it – you still have to learn what to do all that cleaning with. Basically you will need a soap of some sort. But don't just start scrubbing that Irish Spring onto your cheeks or you'll end up looking like a leper: regular soap can really dry out your skin, leaving it desiccated and flaky. Once upon a time, soap was simply the product of a process that involved boiling up dead animals and tossing an alkali into the mix. We've moved beyond the tribal cow-boil to the stage where regular body soap now is usually a synthetic detergent composed of fatty acids derived principally from coconuts — so applying it to your face will have the same affect as a ride in a Hawaiian clothes dryer. Instead what you'll need is a soap formulated to interact favorably with the chemistry of your particular type of skin.

All soaps work on filth by acting like a pair of handcuffs: one loop snags the bad guy — oil — and makes it soluble; the other hangs on to the good guy — water — and gets that grease the hell out of there. This little cops ‘n robbers scenario plays out a little differently for different skin types.

If you have Dry Skin, you'll need to pump a little moisture into your face with your soap. Look for brands of soap that contain either glycerine or a type of silicone, such as cyclomethicone or dimethicone. These bad boys actually add moisture to your skin, which is key unless you want to feel like someone is suffocating you with cling film.

If you have Oily Skin, you're going to want to dry up some of that grease with your soap. Oil is the evil glue that sticks all that filth to your face. In turn, that filth clogs up your pores and starts the volcanic acne eruptions we've all enjoyed at one point or another. Quell the geological upheavals by using a soap that contains salicylic acid.

If you have Sensitive Skin, you're going to need something a little milder than the typical ingredients. Believe it or not, the leading contender here is something called propylene glycol — which, when not gently easing you into a life of ivory cheeks, pulls double duty as the prime ingredient in antifreeze and the stuff they use to de-ice planes.

If you have Normal Skin, count your blessings you lucky bastard. Then hunt for soaps that use lanolin, a handy extract from the oil glands of sheep. Hey, why else do you think those Welshman and New Zealanders look so hale? What did you think they were doing with those sheep?

So you're almost certainly wondering where the hell to get all this stuff (and we're only one-third of the way into our skin care routine). Of course any decent pharmacy or cosmetics counter will carry products with these ingredients, and if you know what you're looking for on the box, you'll be in great shape. But an easier way to find your new toys may be online. Check out The Skin Store to purchase products on the net. But once you fall into that ocean of goodies, you'll probably need some help wading through them to pick the best ones. For that, check out the Prevention site for the best skin care products of 1998.

Another early question you may have is what exactly "daily" means — should you be doing this regimen once a day, twice, or more? We're going to say that it means once a day, preferably in the morning, at a minimum. Many women, and Cure fans, may want to go through it twice: once to start the day by looking their best, and then again at night to remove any make-up before going to bed. Experts will tell you that this is a highly individualized choice. It's quite possible to harm your skin by over-treating it; scrubbing, exfoliating, and kneading yourself constantly is more likely to make you look like a well-used saddle than a fresh nymph. So try running through this workout with different frequency and judge for yourself the best results. We think you'll find that at least once a day will be a good place to start.

2. TONE DAILY

We spotted you a few points by starting with Cleansing, but from here on out, we're moving into slightly more esoteric territory. Toning is the process of removing dead skin cells from your face so that the only layer visible is one of bright and healthy new cells. The average human generates a new layer of skin every two to four weeks. Usually what sits on top of that new strata is a pile of cruddy old cells that have been getting funky for a while. You can improve your complexion tremendously by sloughing off the garbage to show off the new stuff.

There are two leading types of exfoliators, which are the fire hoses that get rid of your old skin cells. The first does it mechanically, just like a miniature version of a sandblaster. If you want to get through layers of old paint on a house, just fire a stream of grit at the target to get the job done pronto. Since no one really enjoyed sandblasting your face, those helpful Swiss dermatologists have come up with a more useful version for you to use. Mechanical exfoliators contain minuscule pieces of grit that, when rubbed on your skin, dislodge the dead skin cells. The most common grit comes from such pleasant-sounding things as walnut shells and apricot pits. Don't be fooled, these can hurt. This stuff is basically a liquid form of sandpaper. That will wipe the smile of your face . . . along with your nose if you're not careful.

Mercifully, there is an alternative. Chemical exfoliators do the same task as their hostile mechanical siblings but by using mild acids in place of shrapnel. Look for exfoliating products that contain acids such as alpha-hydroxy, beta-hydroxy, or salicylic. If all this talk of acid has images of Batman movies running through your head, be at peace — some of the more notable alpha-hydroxy acids are malic acid, lactic acid, and glycolic acid, which come from apples, milk, and sugarcane. Unless you find eating breakfast feels like a WWI mustard gas attack, you'll be fine.

Of course, a third way to exfoliate your face is to drag a steel blade across the skin each day. Sounds barbaric, we know, but most clean-shaven men do it regularly. If you shave with any frequency whatsoever, you will not need to exfoliate those areas of your face in addition, unless you're looking to draw blood. Instead, limit your exfoliating adventures to the areas outside of your shaving zone—chiefly, your forehead and nose.

As far as shaving goes, let's not confuse the point: nothing can screw up your skin like running a mini lawn mower over it. For all of our modern technological advances, we're still using a scythe to groom ourselves, hacking away at unwanted hair with little scalpels. Whether you are a man or a woman, there are a couple of basic points to bear in mind when ridding yourself of our Neanderthal legacy: body hair. Be sure to lubricate. Like so many of life's intimate activities, shaving is so much more fun with a little lubrication. Most shaving products —whether they are foams, creams, or gels—attempt to achieve two goals: softening the hair and lubricating the skin. Obviously, the less stiff and rigid your hair is, the easier it will be to cut, which will involve less sawing and ripping, and correspondingly, less bleeding. Similarly, the easier it is for the blades to glide across your face, legs, or, God willing, armpits, the less shaving will feel like nails on a chalkboard. Decrease the friction, decrease the pain. This is why so many shaving products contain a combination of moisturizers and soothers. Prep your face and be sure always to shave with the grain of your hair. When you're done, be sure to moisturize.

3. MOISTURIZE DAILY

Having cleansed and then toned your face, you're going to need to do a little mending. Those first two stages can be a little rough on the skin and even if you use products especially designed for your face's chemistry, you may nevertheless have dried it out a little. In any event, you will want to erect a protective barrier on your newly pampered skin before you march out into the world to show it off. This is where moisturizers come in. Think about it: dry skin feels like ass and causes premature aging and wrinkles. Moist skin is happy skin. Remember, moisture does not equal oil—you want to keep the water in your skin without blocking your pores and thereby defeating the whole process of cleansing. Thankfully, there are plenty of products out there smart enough to keep the good moisture trapped but not the seething contents of your next zit.

Moisturizers do their thing in two ways: by throwing up a barrier that traps water in your skin, and by pulling water out of the air. One kind acts like a dam (occlusive moisturizers), the other acts like a humidifier (humectant moisturizers). The most famous occlusive is petrolatum, i.e., Vaseline. So if you really want to have moist skin, and don't mind looking like a child molester, slather a dollop of that on your face. On the whole, this set of products contains a few unlikely fountains of youth; for example, urea (a.k.a. piss) and hyaluronic acid (a protein from umbilical cords). Just try not to visualize a really messy childbirth when you're applying the stuff.

4. USE SUNSCREEN

    The problem
    The solution

If you follow our simple three-step program every day, we—and cosmetic companies everywhere—guarantee that you will soon be sporting a much more pleasant face. But, of course, even a pretty face can be heavily abused, and we're not just talking about Mrs. Donald Trump. The worst culprit out there is the sun. That filthy bastard is sending hate your way every single minute you're outside. Sure, tromping along in the rain may not sound like a dance with the devil, but most of the damage done by the sun is caused by ultraviolet (UV) rays that can penetrate cloud cover, car windows, and even some clothing. So a great way to address this problem is to find a moisturizer that contains a sun-blocking ingredient. Find that nectar, and you've just saved yourself two slatherings of goo.

The problem

There are two types of UV rays that are hunting you down. The first, UVA rays, are known as "tanning rays" and are used in many sun lamps and other sources of artificial tanning. These guys were once thought to be pretty safe and cool, you know, like George Hamilton back when he was in the A-Team. But now the party's over. The American Medical Association and the American Academy of Dermatology have linked UVA rays with malignant melanoma, the deadliest kind of skin cancer. As for UVB rays, those are the ones that cause sunburn and no one has ever been dumb enough to think that they're a friend of ours. So stick to that bottled barbecue sauce if you want to sport a tan.

The solution

You will need to use a wide-spectrum sunscreen, which will keep both types of UV rays off of you. The strength of a sunscreen is measured by the number of its SPF, or "sun protection factor." The SPF rating corresponds to the factor of time that the product will allow you to remain in the sun before getting burned. If you have dark skin and can sit in the direct sun for an hour before beginning to burn, SPF-15 sunscreen will let you hang out for fifteen hours in the sun before you begin to cook, which means you can have a blast skinny-dipping in Alaska. Similarly, if you're an albino Irishman, bathing in SPF-45 may let you spend a minute-and-a-half at the beach . . . if you keep that sweater on.

Sunscreens typically contain one of two common ingredients to deflect UVA and UVB rays. The first is a form of titanium (titanium dioxide) which deflects both sets of harmful rays. The second is octyl methoxycinnamate, which works against only UVB rays—not everything that you need, but a good start. The newest product on the scene is called z-cote, which is a reformulated version of that Australian classic, zinc. But rather than looking like a warring Samoan, this stuff comes in a very fine form and won't end up all over your clothes.

5. TREAT SERIOUS SKIN CONDITIONS

    Acne
    Psoriasis

If you delve into your skin-care regimen with an eye toward healing a serious skin problem, you should know about two major sources of information: The American Academy of Dermatology and the New Zealand Dermatological Society. Bear in mind, though, that these are the places to go for hardcore coverage of skin-care issues and are intended more to provide information about skin diseases than to inform the average narcissist of how to stay pretty. If you do get that bad case of acne or psoriasis, click over for a full run down on everything you could possibly want to know about your particular problem: its causes, how to manage it, specific treatments . . . even the possible adverse psychological effects of the condition.

Acne

The American Academy of Dermatology web site will give you a lifetime's worth of details about that dreaded scourge of all our teenage years. Of course, acne can last well beyond adolescence and for serious situations, you'll need a comprehensive program of treatment and prevention that goes beyond a simple daily regimen.

The New Zealand dermatology resource outlines the causes of acne, explaining how the excess level of hormones in teenagers and some adults stimulates oil glands to enlarge. When oil glands are thus stimulated, they will produce copious amounts of sebum (a more technical name for the oil) which, together with keratin (dead skin cells), can block pores. A blocked pore is an unhappy pore, and you'll be its unhappy owner if you allow it to fester, since it will swell to become the pimple you hate so much.

For mild or moderate acne, your doctor can prescribe topical treatments such as benzoyl peroxide and retinoids to clear up the sebum and unblock your pores. Sunlight and ultraviolet light can also help acne briefly, though always be aware of the solar horrors we touched on earlier. When acne becomes particularly chronic, you may need to take medication orally, in the form of high doses of antibiotics for six months or longer. The above resources help explain the various medications and can give you a good primer before you visit your dermatologist.

Psoriasis

Psoriasis is another prevalent skin disorder that occurs in as many as 2% of adults. The condition manifests itself through red patches on the skin which are covered by silvery-white scales. Though the precise causes of psoriasis are not known, most researchers believe the problem is triggered by an abnormal immune reaction against some component of the skin— common causes include stress, injuries to the skin, and less frequently, certain medications. The reaction leads the skin to grow at about seven times the normal rate.

Again, sunshine is a good curative to this problem, though only in moderation. Other treatments include soaking the affected area in warm soapy water, which will soften the hard exterior of the rashes. The main goal in treating psoriasis is to keep the rash from hardening, so another helpful step is to moisturize the area—and we all know how useful that can be. Yet another approach is to use an occlusive covering, which is a waterproof bandage.

Of course, for more severe cases, you will want to consult your physician, though you can prepare for your appointment by gaining an excellent working knowledge of the condition at the www.dermnet.org.nz web site. Once you've dealt with the really tough stuff — and that's up to you and your doctor — you can then begin to follow our recommended skin care regimen. The goal is to put your best face forward without spending hours a day on the project. We're looking for the Noxzema girl — not the soap fetishising Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets.

Now go ahead: put on a happy face.