Baby-sitting is such an easy way to make money, that we hear it's how Bill Gates started his fortune. Food, TV, phone calls, and all for making sure that someone's baby doesn't accidentally swallow his own foot. But now we have to give you an unfortunate reality check: caring of an infant (well, we're talking about a child that is 12 months old or younger) is not nearly as easy as it seems. This is because you're not allowed to use duct tape.

Not only is it important for you to know the proper techniques for caring for an infant so that the baby remains healthy, it's also important for your own mental health. Baby-sitting can be extremely frustrating, but we have the answers here. In fact, Dr. Spock just wrote to us asking us for advice. OK, that's not true. But we hear he's a nice guy.

This SYW will teach you to accomplish 6 infant tasks: holding the baby, feeding the baby, changing the baby's diaper, bathing the baby, and putting the baby to sleep. We'll be working under the assumption that you're a first-time baby-sitter, so we promise not to go too fast; we'll take baby steps.

Before we even get started, here are some fundamental baby-sitting tips:

  1. DON'T use this SYW as your only guide for general infant rearing. Yes, this is a great guide to orient yourself to baby-sitting techniques for very young children, but all of our information must be supplemented with other sources of child expertise. In other words, don't sue us or take our word as law. These are general basic techniques and should be treated as such. Now that we've covered our own butts...

  2. Get the phone number of all the places that the baby's parents will be.

  3. Have the number of the pediatrician.

  4. Ask the parents well in advance to prepare the bottles, clean diapers, and anything else that you'll need. You don't want to be looking for a clean diaper in a mid-changing.

  5. Ask if the baby has any medical conditions (for instance, does she have a cold?).

  6. Specifically ask the parents how they usually get the baby to go to sleep. While we'll provide you with a couple of suggestions, the parents probably know best.

1. HOLD THE BABY

Holding a baby is not the same as picking up a sack of potatoes. While a newborn is not as fragile as she may look (we'll assume you're caring for a female infant), there is a right way to pick up and hold her:

  1. If the baby is lying on her back, slide one hand under her neck and fan out your fingers so that your hand can support her whole head. Slide your other hand and fanned out fingers under the baby's lower back area.

  2. Lean close to the baby and lift her up in a uniform bundle. Don't let her limbs flail around and keep her head a little higher than the rest of her body.

  3. If the baby is lying on her stomach, roll her over onto her back and then follow the instructions above.

  4. If someone is handing you the baby, lean close to the person and collect the baby in a tight bundle.

  5. When you're holding the baby, always make sure you're supporting her head. It can be in your hand, in the crook of your arm, in your homemade infant-head-supporting device, or whatever. But make sure the baby's head isn't flopping around. A newborn's neck isn't very strong, and her head is very big, compared to the rest of her body. She'll need you to help her support her freakishly large (yet very cute) head until she can manage it herself.

2. FEED THE BABY

If babies could talk, 95% of their speech would probably consist of, "Feed me!" Hey, when your body weight is expected to triple by your first birthday, you gotta eat, right? (By the way, those of you who are wondering what the other 5% of their speech would be, the answer is: "Feed me NOW!")

There are two options when it comes to feeding a newborn infant - breastfeeding and bottle-feeding. If you're a baby-sitter, we sincerely hope that the parents expect you to use the second route. Yes, as a baby-sitter you won't be expected to breastfeed, but it never hurts to show off your expertise in babydom:

Breastfeeding

  1. Take a seat on a comfortable chair or against the headboard of a bed with the baby, and hold her so that her head is in the crook of your arm.

  2. Stick the baby's arm around your side so it doesn't get between your bodies. Your abdomen and the baby's abdomen should be aligned.

  3. With your free hand, hold your breast behind the areola (the dark part around the nipple) with your thumb on top and your fingers underneath.

  4. Pull the baby close to your breast and tickle his mouth with your nipple until the baby opens up.

  5. Make sure the baby's lips are centered on the nipple. When she latches onto your breast, her bottom lip should curl out. (And there should be some boisterous sucking noises going on!)

Bottle-Feeding

  1. Hold the baby in your lap with one arm around her, so that her neck is in the crook of your arm.

  2. Brush a finger across the baby's cheek closest to your body, and the baby should turn her face towards you and her lips should part slightly.

  3. Gently push the nipple of the bottle into the baby's open mouth, keeping her head and upper body raised at a slight angle so that it's easier for the baby to swallow.

  4. Tip the end of the bottle up as you're feeding so that the baby doesn't swallow air as the formula disappears.

  5. To burp the baby, hold her with her head over your shoulder and rub her back softly until he lets out a satisfied little belch. Keep a hand towel on your shoulder in case more than excess air comes out of the baby's mouth.

3. CHANGE THE BABY'S DIAPER

It's smelly and gross, but somebody's got to do it and you're getting paid. Our advice? Hold your breath and dive into it. Changing a diaper may seem like an awkward and messy job at first, but after some practice, diapering will become second nature to you-we promise. Maybe you won't even notice the smell anymore. (We don't promise that one.)

When it comes to diapers, there are a couple of options: cloth and disposable. Cloth diapers help the environment out, but disposable diapers are as easy to handle as the name suggests. We leave the option up to you and are prepared to guide you through either choice.

To find out if the baby has wet her diaper, stick your finger down the front of the diaper and see if you feel anything moist. Following this test, wash your hands IMMEDIATELY. If the baby did a number 2, you won't need to stick your finger down her diaper; just rely on your sense of smell. Hold the baby's diapered tush up again your nose and take a long, deep breath. Your maternal instinct and olfactory system will tell you whether you'll be doing some changing.

Cloth or disposable, the concept of changing a diaper is the same:

  1. Always start by washing and drying your hands. You think a baby's poopy bottom is gross; relatively speaking, the bacteria found on your hands are even worse. Dirty hands will wreak havoc on the baby's delicate and sensitive skin so make sure you wash all the germs away prior to every changing.

  2. Settle the baby down on a changing table, or any soft, warm, clean, and dry area. You can even place your baby down on a blanketed floor.

  3. Unlatch the baby's old diaper and use its corners to wipe away any excess poop, but don't remove the dirty diaper just yet. If the baby's a boy, you might want to stick a clean cloth over his penis at this point, just in case he decides he has to go again while your face is looming right above it. Babies are funny like that.

  4. Gently grasp the baby's ankles together with one hand and lift her bottom off the table. Use baby wipes or a wet cloth to wipe the baby's genitals clean. If the baby is a girl, make sure you wipe her from front to back to minimize the chances of infection.

  5. Some people would now apply baby powder or some other kind of talc to the baby's bottom. If you're babysitting, check with the parents beforehand to see what they usually do.

  6. With the baby's bottom still in the air, fold the dirty diaper in half under her and pull the diaper out.

  7. Slide a fresh diaper into the dirty one's place, keeping half of the diaper under the baby's butt. The other half gets folded over the front of the baby. For a boy baby, tuck his penis down so his urine won't seep out over the top.

  8. Attach the two ends of the diaper.

Here are some extra tips that depend on the type of diaper you're dealing with:

Cloth Diapers

If you don't get cloth diapers washed and folded by a cleaning service, here's how to set up a clean and pre-washed diaper:

  1. Fold the diaper into thirds so that it forms a rectangular shape, keeping the folds even and neat.

  2. Choose an end and pull the flaps on either side out a little, so that the brim is a little wider than the rest of the diaper. This will be the end of the diaper that gets slid under the baby's bottom.

  3. When you're pinning the cloth diaper together, keep two of your fingers under the fabric so that the baby doesn't get accidentally pricked. Insert the pin away from the baby's bellybutton. If the pin doesn't go through the cloth easily, stick the pin in a bar of soap first.

  4. After you're done putting the fresh diaper together, bring the soiled diaper to the nearest toilet and dump the poop out. Fold the diaper up into a tight bundle and stick it in a diaper pail with a lid that shuts securely.

Disposable Diapers

  1. When you're sliding the new diaper into the dirty one's place, the end with the sticky tape should go under the baby's bottom.

  2. Don't bunch the diaper between the baby's legs - it will hurt her baby's skin. With newborns, avoid covering the umbilical cord.

  3. Throw all the used baby wipes into the diaper before wrapping the diaper together tightly and keeping it shut with the sticky tape. And there you have it - a clean and happy baby. (For the next hour or so, anyway.)

4. BATHE THE BABY

Before you dump the baby in a tub full of water and start scrubbing away, remind yourself that washing a baby is not the same as washing a Labrador.

Before the cleaning commences, here are some bath tips:

  • Babies should not be bathed until after their umbilical cord falls out. Give the baby sponge baths until that happens.

  • Give the baby baths in her very own smaller baby tub until she is old enough to sit up by herself.

  • Strangely enough, some babies aren't comfortable with bathing completely naked, so you might want to consider undressing and washing only portions of the baby at a time if she fusses a lot in the tub.

  • It's not necessary to wash the baby's hair -- if she has hair -- every time she has a bath. Two or three times a week is suffice, and you should always use tear-free shampoo.

  • NEVER, EVER LEAVE THE BABY UNATTENDED IN THE TUB. This may seem like an obvious rule, but you should never even step out for a second to fetch the baby's clothes or to shut the bathroom door. We don't want to scare you, but it's a fact that infants can barely unclench their hands, let alone swim.

Keeping these tips in mind, you may now start the water!

  1. Run about two inches of warm water in the baby tub. The baby's entire body does not need to be submersed in water and keeping the water level shallow is the safe way to go. Also, don't forget that just because you like your baths scalding hot with lots of bath beads and scented bubbles doesn't mean the baby will enjoy his bath that way. So keep the water nice and lukewarm.

  2. Gently and briefly dip the baby in and out of the water a couple of times before placing her in. This is to gradually introduce the baby's sensitive body to the water temperature.

  3. Use a soft and soapy wash cloth to clean the baby all over. Include the face and the folds of skin around the baby's neck and never resort to scrubbing (remember - not a Labrador!). Rinse the baby well with gentle pats of bath water.

  4. To shampoo your baby, pull her down into a reclining position, her head dangling just over the top of the water (and of course, with one hand behind the head supporting it). Work the shampoo from front to back so that soap doesn't get onto the baby's face. Massage her scalp with your fingertips and then use your cupped hand to rinse the baby's hair thoroughly.

  5. After the bath, shift your baby into a nice warm towel and pat her dry - don't rub!

5. PUT THE BABY TO SLEEP

We're not talking about the way that you put a dog to sleep, sicko. We're talking about sleepy-time (get used to the baby talk). It seems that if a baby is tired, she should just go to sleep, right? Unfortunately, the opposite prevails as being more common: tired babies will often fuss.

Here are some helpful options:

  • Got a rocking chair? Use it! The rocking motion helps to lull fussy babies to sleep and gives you a chance to get off your feet. Some other soporific tricks include rocking the baby in your arms, rocking on a big swinging chair, going on car rides, or walking around the block with the baby in your arms or in a baby carriage. Long story short: gentle rhythmic motion is good.

  • Droning or methodic background noise can put anybody to sleep, including your baby. So turn on a fan, the dishwasher, or the repetitive tinkling music of a crib mobile. If all else fails, take the baby to a lecture at your local university.

  • If it's a nice day, push the baby's crib near a window or take her to the park in her carriage. Fresh air often seems to do the trick.

  • If all else fails, lie down with the baby and pat her arm or leg methodically until one of you passes out from sheer exhaustion.

  • The position in which a baby should sleep has been thoroughly debated over the years. Nowadays, doctors and scientists who have studied the cause of a very scary occurrence called Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)-when infants die in their sleep for no apparent reason -- recommend that babies be placed on their sides or backs, NOT their stomachs, when they sleep. Studies show that this is the safer position. To learn more about SIDS, visit the SIDS Alliance website.

So you are now primed to handle even the ittiest and bittiest of babies. If you need additional on-line support check out eHow, which will answer any baby-related questions that you have. You might also want to consider taking a look at the website for the American Academy of Pediatrics, which publishes guides and handbooks on childcare. If all else fails, rent Look Who's Talking.