You are SO lazy. So lazy, in fact, that you can't even feed yourself! Take a look:

  • At birth, you needed to feed from your mother's breast. Leech.

  • Until college, your parents (and the good folks at McDonald's) prepared most of your food.

  • At college, the dorm cafeteria lady (and the good folks at Budweiser) provided you with your necessary nutrients.

  • Since college, you've been subsisting on TV dinners, snacks, and fast food, with an occasional restaurant visit.

You desperately need to learn how to cook. Not only is cooking in your own kitchen much cheaper in the long run than the alternatives, but it'll also prepare you for when the time comes for you to feed your own children.

One problem: it does you no good to go out and buy the finest foods on earth if you have nothing to cook 'em with. So this SYW will provide you with the fundamentals of how to stock a brand new kitchen. We'll go over everything you need, including bowls, spoons, and garlic pressers (those are the little metal things that you used to put Play-Doh in to make spaghetti). Julia Child, eat your heart out.

1. DETERMINE YOUR KITCHEN NEEDS

When building your kitchen, there are some things that you absolutely require, and some things you can live without 'til you get married and can have other people buy you stuff. For those of you who are programmers and engineers at dot-coms, this doesn't apply to you: you dweebs can go to Crate and Barrel and buy two of everything. The rest of us need to first evaluate exactly what kind of kitchen we're building.

In order to evaluate your needs, consider the following issues:

  • Think about how often you cook. If you work 18-hour days, then you just need the bare basics; if you have lots of free time on your hands, then you can start a new hobby and get tons of fun equipment.

  • Think about the type of food you like. If you're a big fan of Chinese food, a wok and bamboo steamer should be on your list. If you love to bake, go heavy on the bakeware and measuring cups and skimp a little on the rest.

  • Think about the size of your kitchen. If you have a tiny kitchenette in your studio apartment, then you should get smaller items and forgo anything that takes up major counter space. Also, get pans that fit into each other to conserve cabinet space. If you have a large, full-size kitchen, then feel free to get space-hogging items like blenders and juicers.

In other words, use your brain, Scarecrow.

2. FIND THE RIGHT COOKWARE

Pots and pans

"Cookware" refers to the stuff that goes on top of the burners: pots, kettles, and their ilk. Here's what you need:

  • 1-quart saucepan
  • 2-quart saucepan
  • 4-quart saucepan
  • 8-quart stockpot (for cooking pasta, stews, etc.)
  • 8-inch skillet
  • 14-inch skillet
  • Roasting pan (for that big turkey on Thanksgiving)
  • Large, heavy kettle with a tight-fitting lid (Also called a dutch oven. We don't know why.)
  • Ridged grill pan

It is especially important with these items that you pick quality over quantity or price. If you get cheap stuff, it'll make your job in the kitchen (more) miserable.

You want pots and pans made of stainless steel, preferably with copper bottoms (copper conducts heat better than stainless steel but requires frequent polishing). The bottoms should be heavy and flat, the handles riveted to the pan and oven-safe (not plastic), and the lids should fit securely. It's probably a good idea to get skillets that are coated in non-stick Teflon, although you should make sure they're high quality with hard surfaces that resist damage from scratching and high heat. The non-stick coating makes them much easier to clean, and allows you to cook with very little oil and fat. Remember to avoid using metal utensils when cooking (they scratch the Teflon).

Knives

You should also get your hands on a quality knife set. Although quality knives can be quite expensive, they're worth the investment because, with proper care, they'll last forever and save you extra sweat in the kitchen. You should start with:

  • An 8- or 10-inch chef's knife (for cutting meat and vegetables)
  • A 3- or 4-inch paring knife (for smaller tasks)
  • A serrated knife (for slicing bread and soft fruits)

You should also get a set of steak knives for the table, unless, of course, you and your friends are all vegans. Buy knives with high-carbon stainless steel blades and handles that feel comfortable in your hands. Make sure the handle is riveted to the blade, especially if it's wood - otherwise moisture can get trapped in the space and deteriorate the handle.

To keep your new knives sharp and shiny, you should probably get a knife sharpener as well. The electric kinds are the best, but are also (surprise surprise!) the most expensive.

3. FIND THE RIGHT BAKEWARE

Bakeware is necessary for those of us who like to bake cookies, cakes, and other pastries. Here are the fundamentals (depending on what you like to bake):

  • An oven-proof casserole dish with lid
  • Two 9-inch round cake pans with straight sides
  • Two baking/cookie sheets
  • Rectangular baking pan (13 x 9 x 2)
  • 9- or 10-inch springform pan
  • Loaf pan (9 x 5 x 3)
  • 9-inch pie pan
  • 12-cup muffin tin
  • Several cooling racks
  • Assorted mixing bowls (at least one monster big one)
  • A clear glass, pitcher-like measuring cup with a spout (for measuring liquids)
  • A set of measuring cups (either plastic or metal) in assorted sizes
  • Measuring spoons

Pyrex is a good choice for ovenware - it's easy to clean and is microwave/dishwasher safe. Other materials include aluminum, black steel, tinned steel, non-stick, and glass.

4. GET SOME APPLIANCES AND OTHER GADGETS

Here's where the list could get really long. There are a billion kitchen gadgets out there that do everything from core an apple to peel garlic to spin-dry lettuce. We'll tell you about the basics, and then later when you have a little cash just burning a hole in your pocket, you can take a stroll in a kitchenware store and buy these extras. None of these are necessary, just nice.

Appliances
Gadgets

Appliances

  • First in line is a microwave, handy for re-heating leftovers and making popcorn.

  • A coffeemaker and coffee grinder. Even if you don't drink coffee, you may have guests that do.

  • A blender. Daiquiris, margaritas, piña coladas, mudslides… oh yeah, and protein soy shakes or whatever. Just make sure that you get a blender that can crush ice.

  • A food processor for all that dicing and chopping you'd rather not do by hand. Often you can get a blender/food processor combo - ideal if you don't have a lot of counter space/cash.

Other useful items:

  • Electric hand-held mixer
  • Toaster
  • Waffle iron
  • SnackMaster

Gadgets

These are tons of fun doo-hickeys out there for you to buy, depending on what kind of food you're planning to cook:

  • Stainless steel colander
  • 4-sided grater
  • Wooden spoons (the harder the wood, the better)
  • Slotted spoons
  • Tongs with blunt, scalloped edges
  • Kitchen shears
  • Vegetable peeler
  • Stainless steel whisk
  • Flour sifter
  • Garlic crusher
  • Soup ladle
  • Corkscrew
  • Metal and heat-resistant rubber spatulas

You'll also want a solid cutting board to save your knives and your countertops. Contrary to popular belief, wooden cutting boards are far more sanitary than plastic. Speaking of bacteria, keep a dispenser of antibacterial hand soap at your kitchen sink and a first aid kit underneath. We hope those freshly sharpened knives won't claim a finger, but you are a beginner.

And don't forget those pot holders!

5. TAKE A TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE

Now that you've got all the utensils, it's time to break them in. If you plan to expand your cooking horizons, get some free recipes and cooking tips. Also, pick up a few interesting cookbooks and pay attention to the spices and condiments that are mentioned most frequently. Then buy some so you always have them on hand. There is nothing more frustrating than getting halfway through a recipe and then realizing you have no rosemary for your rosemary-encrusted chicken.

Here are the staples we suggest pre-stocking your pantry with:

  • Baking powder
  • Baking soda
  • Cornstarch
  • Basil
  • Oregano
  • Thyme
  • Rosemary
  • Sage
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Salt
  • Black pepper
  • Nutmeg
  • Cinnamon
  • Vanilla
  • Garlic
  • Lemon juice
  • Mustard
  • Olive oil
  • Vegetable oil
  • Parmesan cheese
  • Cooking wine
  • Sherry
  • Corn meal
  • Soy sauce
  • White sugar
  • Brown sugar
  • Tomato paste
  • Chicken and beef stock
  • Vinegar
  • Yeast

These lists aren't by any means complete, just guidelines for you to work with. We don't want you to be underprepared, but we also don't want you to fill your kitchen with a bunch of stuff you'll never use. Be realistic, and when you start your own four-star catering service, send some of it our way!