3. GET IN

The more popular the club, the more selective they will be at the door. If you have chosen a low-key quiet spot for the evening, getting in will not be much of an issue. But it is practically a law that club owners will keep a hungry mob outside the velvet ropes purely for the free advertisement it insures, so if you want to be a player, take careful note of the two most important factors when it comes to actually making it through the door: the attire and the attitude.

Attire

In a perfect world, we would all be immediately embraced by every decent human being, regardless of appearance. But when it comes to hitting the clubs, the rule is "dress to impress." Depending on what type of club you have chosen, the dress code will vary. Some live music venues or less formal clubs are more relaxed with their dress codes, while dance clubs, supper clubs and cabarets will have a fairly strict dress code and not allow anyone to wear jeans, sneakers, baseball caps or anything that you might toss on for a quick trip out with the dog. So unless your last name happens to be Damon or Affleck, leave the wrinkled Levis on the floor where you found them and don some attire that makes you look hot.

Perhaps this table will help you:

Smaller local night clubDance clubRaveAfter hoursDress (men) Probably not much of a dress code or discriminating attitude. Nice jeans, khakis, etc. Presentable. Enforced dress code: No jeans, sneakers or baseball caps. Toss on trousers and a nice shirt. Look hip and immaculately groomed. Anything goes. You will probably feel most comfortable in something outrageous. Otherwise, go for simple and functional. Baggy pants and a t-shirt. Irrelevant at this hour. It'll be too dark in there for anyone to notice anyway. Dress (women) Pretty much anything goes. Don't stress, just make sure you feel good in it. Dress up ladies. Sexy, sexy, sexy. You know what to do. See above. Have fun with your outfit. Tank tops and flared pants, tube tops, platforms, sneakers and skirts, etc. See above. Don't dress too revealingly, though. Some of the guys will get too aggressive at that late hour.

Attitude

Frankly, we suggest that you have your chauffeured stretch Hummer drop you directly in front of the club. But if that's out of your budget (or you're having the Hummer's windows tinted), there are other ways to make your approach and cut through the mob that is likely obscuring the door. A confident "I belong here" attitude is key to your approach, but once you are face to face with the powers that be, you should be relaxed, respectful and patient. Being pushy and demanding is one way to bar your entrance to the promised land, possibly for good.

The odds of getting in differ considerably for males and females. Women are almost always welcome with open arms, and typically will need to make little effort (because clubs already tend to be overburdened with men looking for a good time . . . the last thing they need is even more men to further tip the balance). If you are a female and looking your best, make your way up to the front of the mob, make eye contact with the doorman, and inform him of how many are in your party. The more females the better. You shouldn't wait for admission long.

If you are of the male persuasion, there are a couple of strategies that may be employed. First of all, if you are with a large group of men, your chances of getting in are slim, so it is better to bring along some female friends who'll get you in with them. In the event that you have never actually had a female friend in your life, now would be the best time to make one. Latch on to a girl or group of girls, politely ask them if you might accompany them in the door, and offer to buy them a round of drinks inside. Males and females alike who feel unable to cut through the crowd can also latch onto anyone who seems to have a rapport with the doorman and stay close behind them as they are led through the velvet ropes. It's sneaky but it works. If it doesn't work, just smile sweetly at the large bouncer, turn around, and leave.

Another almost sure-fire tactic, if you happen to feel like tossing your hard-earned money around, is to DISCREETLY slip the doorman twenty bucks. However, we hope that you are suave enough to not have to resort to such crass economic manipulation.

In the event that none of these tactics seem feasible to you and your crew, you should probably just go home. However, if you simply feel like standing in line, take note of whether you are actually moving forward, or if other more fabulous people seem to be sailing past you through the doors. If you find yourself in the same place an hour after arriving, don't waste your time. Find another club before the night passes you by and it's Monday again.