Place a mental check mark next to the statement that describes you best:

  • You're sick of that lame single ear piercing you've had since sixth grade.

  • You just got dumped and want to look more "edgy."

  • You've spent countless hours with that damn ab roller and are determined to draw attention to your washboard tummy.

We don't care what your answer is; all of these are perfectly acceptable reasons for getting pierced someplace other than your boring ol' lobe. But before you let some guy named Spike attack you with a Day-Glo needle during "piercing hour" at the local all-night rave, you'd better read on. In this handy little guide to body adornment, you'll discover everything you need to know about choosing a safe parlor, getting the right piercing for your lifestyle, and caring for your newly-altered body parts once the deed is done.

1. PICK THE BODY PART YOU WANT TO PIERCE

First off, you should decide which area to target. If you're plagued with some extra insulation on your mid-section, then you should probably skip the bellybutton ring. If you have chronic allergies, then just say no to the nose ring. Whatever you do, don't get discouraged: as long as you have a body, you've got a place to pierce. Here are the four most-often pierced locales:

Bellybutton
Tongue
Face
Genital areas

Bellybutton

Bellybutton rings (or if you want to sound more impressive, "navel rings") can be a sexy addition to a nicely toned stomach. If you're an athlete, a dancer, or anyone else who uses the body excessively, however, you should probably re-consider targeting this region. Changing clothes frequently, falling to the ground, tackling people, and sweating a lot will not allow the piercing to heal properly (read: nasty infections). But the benefits of a bellybutton ring are:

  • It's a low-key yet interesting place for jewelry.

  • It's easy to hide if you only want a select few to see it.

  • If something (heaven forbid) goes wrong, it's better to get an infection on your bellybutton than on your tongue, face, or genitalia.

Tongue

Keep in mind that the tongue is one of the strongest muscles in the human body, so it is capable of a lot of wonderful pleasures (as well as pain). Lots of people get their tongues pierced for purely sexual reasons. Ironically, no kissing or oral sex is allowed during the healing period, which lasts three to four weeks, but we'll get to more about that later. Consider, though, that if you are prone to oral fixations (chewing on pens, eating lots of candy, or talking too much), this one isn't for you.

Face

The face offers a myriad of piercing options, most commonly the eyebrow, nose, lip and chin. Because the face is so out-there-in-the-open, these piercings will be very difficult to hide if need be. They can be quite funky, however, and are perfect for free-spirited, pre-corporate youths. If you're an athlete, though, avoid all of these, except maybe the nose. Unless you like getting tugged around by a bloody metal rod attached to your brow.

Genital areas

Nothing like a barbell through the ol' Johnson to get the party started, eh? Be rational. While genital piercings can make you scream with pleasure in the bedroom, they can also make you scream with pain in your piercer's chair. These are very sensitive regions we're dealing with, and are often prone to infections.

For a detailed look at all your piercing options (both X-rated and not) -as well as how much they'll cost - check out the guides below. The prices may seem a little bit steep, but this is the range you should expect from a top-notch piercing salon. Yeah, we know you can get a $10 nose ring from your roommate's cousin Vito, but it's always best to loosen the purse strings in the name of safety and hygiene.

UNISEX PIERCINGSAVERAGE PRICE
(for ring/barbell)
Ear (lobe) $20 Ear (all other parts) $30 / $60 Nose (nostril) $35 Nose (septum) $25 / $30 Eyebrow $35 / $60 Navel $35 / $55 Tongue $60 Labret/lip/cheek $55 Nipples $35 (single) / $55 (pair)
FEMALE GENITALSAVERAGE PRICE
(for ring/barbell)
Labia Majora (outer lip of the vagina) $35 (single) / $55 (pair) Labia Minora (inner lip of the vagina) $35 (single) / $55 (pair) Clitoris $35 / $60 Verticle Clit Hood $60 Horizontal Clit Hood $35
MALE GENITALSAVERAGE PRICE
(for ring/barbell)
Scrotum $35 Dydoes (the sides of the head of the penis) $60 (single) / $100 (set) Apadravya (through the head of the penis, right in the center from top to bottom) $60 Ampallang (through the head of the penis, right in the center from side to side) $60 Frenum (the loose skin under the penis right near the head) $60 Prince Albert (a ring that passes through the top part of the urethra)

$60

2. FIND A SAFE PIERCING PARLOR

The parlor should be clean and well lit. Basically, if some overweight guy with incorrectly-spelled tattoos all over his body is eating greasy pizza, smoking a cigarette, and drinking a beer in some dimly-lit room, go somewhere else. The joint should look somewhat like a dentist's office, with a bendable chair and a side table to hold the instruments. Check your local Yellow Pages for places that specialize in piercing, or asked satisfied pierced friends and coworkers where they went to get the job done. Even stopping strangers on the street is acceptable, as most pierced people are proud of their addition. Avoid getting your piercings done in malls, flea markets, or clubs. It's no fun to be the victim of a piercing horror story - although it might make you popular at parties.

Piercing Artist

Unfortunately, piercers are not usually required to have licenses. Therefore, it's really important to talk to them to get a sense of whether or not they fall within your comfort zone. Find out how long the piercer has been "practicing," and ask to look at pictures of his or her work. Chat up people working at the parlor, and grill customers who've just gotten something done. You should also check out The Association of Professional Piercers, which will provide you with referrals (including piercing-friendly MDs), as well as a state-by-state list of piercing regulations.

Waiver

In most states, you must be at least 18 years old to get a piercing (unless we're talkin' earlobes). Besides proving your age with a non-fake ID, you must also sign a waiver that basically says the establishment is not responsible should anything bad happen to you. If you're not asked to sign a waiver of any sort, think of it as a major red flag.

Safety and hygiene

Poking holes in your skin is not the most hygienic action to embark upon. Behind all the pain, excitement and thrill is the reality that you must take precautions. A few elements to look for:

  • New needles: This is a must, especially in today's disease-ridden society. Needles must be completely new, with the packages opened in front of your eyes. Never settle for used needles, even if the piercer insists they've been sterilized.

  • Gloves: Latex gloves are key. There is always the possibility of blood emerging from the skin, so make sure the piercer is wearing a barrier to protect him/her from a soon-to-be-open wound.

  • New jewelry: Clean, brand new jewelry is also vital to the procedure. Make sure that the hoops, rods, loops, or whatever random metal beauty you're putting in your body is brand new. You should see the piercer take the jewelry out of an airtight, individually wrapped, sealed plastic bag immediately before the "procedure" begins.

Don't worry, it's not really that much of a "procedure." Most body parts take less than five minutes to pierce, so relax and remember to breathe. You've picked a safe, reputable parlor, so leave it to your trusty piercer not to scar you for life.

3. CARE FOR YOUR PIERCING

Congratulations, you're pierced! We give you full permission to show it off to your friends, your loved ones, even the mailman. (Assuming, of course, that you didn't target your unmentionables . . . in that case, just show it to the mailman.)

First, don't touch your piercing at all for two to five hours. Let it settle. Give it some space. Then dive head-first into a cleaning routine to avoid nasty pus.

External piercings

External piercings (ear, nostrils, septum, nipples, navel, genitalia, and all other surface piercings) should be washed with either pure saline solution, salt water (just add 1 tsp sea salt to 1 pint water) or an anti-microbial soap. But always consult with your piercer--this option is not good for all piercings! Of the soaps, the best cleanser to use is a mild liquid antimicrobial/germicidal medicated soap such as Provon or Satin. Turn the jewelry (either clockwise or counterclockwise - we don't care) two to three times every time you take a shower. This is the most important part of the healing process. You must turn the jewelry to clean out any germs and built up body fluid or puss, and to wash away any cleaning agent. If you don't turn the jewelry, it could cause infection. It's not natural to have a hole in your body, and all those white blood cells will think that you got hurt, so twisting the jewelry is the only way to tell the body "hey, I did this on purpose, so leave me alone."

If white or clear secretions come out of the hole, apply a preservative-free saline solution to both the jewelry and surrounding area. That should help keep it clean and heal faster. The secretions are a completely normal part of the natural healing process, so don't freak out. If green or yellow stuff is coming out, however, go see a doctor to get antibiotic cream. The infection should go away in a week or two.

Internal piercings

For internal piercings (that means tongue, lip, labret, cheek, or any other mouth webbings), slosh around some mouthwash - like Listerine, Biotene, Rembrandt or Tech 2000 - immediately after eating, drinking or smoking. Better yet, don't smoke. Again, with the lip and cheek piercings, just like the exterior piercings, a fluid secretion may accumulate on the jewelry. Let it dry and then clean it off with a preservative-free saline solution. If you experience any pain, take Tylenol or a similar product. And please avoid food that is hot, spicy, crunchy or chew-intensive. The mushier, the better.

The process may be a bit different for the tongue, since you pierced something that doesn't have any skin. During the first three to five days after the initial pierce, the tongue will swell to approximately twice its normal size (that's one of the reasons why the barbell is so long). White, sticky secretions are normal, but yellow and green secretions can indicate an infection. Use warm salt water to remove this goop. You should check the tightness on the both ends of the barbell to make sure they aren't getting too loose and falling off.

Although you probably won't have to follow these stringent cleansing rituals for more than a couple of weeks, below is the amount of time it takes for each pierced area to heal completely:

BODY PARTHEALING TIME Tongue, Labret, Prince Albert, Clit Hood, Inner Labias 3-4 weeks Ear lobes, Septum, Nipples, Frenum, Eyebrows 1 month Upper ears, Tragus, Nostrils, Dydoes 4-6 weeks Navel, Hafadas, Outer Labias, Surface Piercings 6 weeks - 2 months Ampallang, Apadravya 2-3 months

4. CHANGE YOUR PIERCING

When you first get pierced, you may notice that the jewelry is really big, thick and clinical-looking. This is to prevent your skin from getting torn. Thin loops are less sturdy and more easily rejected by the body. After you have allowed your piercing to heal the proper amount of time (no cheating), it's A-okay to change it. Most people are in a hurry to do this because the initial piercing jewelry sets them apart as a "newbie," but trust us: wait it out. Then return to your piercing parlor and have a pro remove the jewelry and replace it with a new, more decorative piece (smaller, more colorful, whatever suits you). Aside from the cost of the new jewelry, the change should be free - it usually comes along with the initial price of the piercing.

5. REMOVE YOUR PIERCING IF NECESSARY (OR DESIRED)

You have a big-time job interview. You're getting married. You woke up one morning and realized you look like an idiot. You're in luck! The cool thing about piercing (unlike tattooing), is that it's not permanent. Removing jewelry is a lot easier and less painful than lasering off a layer of your skin.

Whether you want to temporarily take off the jewelry for an event or let your piercing close up completely, do so with caution. If at all possible, go back to the piercing parlor to have it removed by a professional. If you do the job yourself, make sure both your hands and the pierced area are squeaky clean. Be slow and steady. Follow the cleansing ritual you went through when you first got pierced.

Remember, just like with an earring, you'll have a tiny little mark or bump where the hole used to be. No biggie. This is the price we pay for reckless experimentation.

If you're ready to take the plunge, good luck, and don't go overboard. It's always good to have a few hole-free appendages.