2. KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR

Okay, the first thing you need to know about The Real World is that you've got to be between the ages of 18 and 24 (sorry Grandpa, try Survivor). Other than that, MTV executives insist there is no "standard" for picking and choosing the cast. They claim there are many factors that go in to each casting decision, and that they "always look for the most dynamic, outgoing personalities regardless of their race or appearance."

Still, there's no denying that most of those kids are unusually attractive, and that the show has a certain, ummm, mold by which the roomies always seem to fit. We're not saying that they typecast their characters (you be the judge of that), but for the most part, MTV casting agents seem to have developed a tried-and-true formula for creating chemistry (good and bad). You'll notice that many of the selected cast have such strong personality types, that they seem to be living cartoon characters.

Yes, there are exceptions. Anyone who saw The Real World: San Francisco can vouch that bicycle-peddling Puck would have fit better in a psych ward than an IKEA-branded loft. Also, it's important to recognize that the archetypes we're about to mention don't show up every season, and that cast members often embody characteristics of more than one of these types. Nevertheless, we couldn't resist having a little fun with these:

The "Virginal" Roommate

Character M.O.: Wide-eyed and pure, this character is nauseatingly nice and proudly nave. Often possessing strong Christian values, he/she has a tendency to get emotional and/or preachy.

Examples:

  • Julie (New Orleans), a devout Mormon who says no to sex, drugs and caffeine.
  • Julie (New York)
  • Elka (Boston)
  • Jon (Los Angeles)

Getting-the-part tip: Wait until marriage.

The "All-American Male" Roommate

Character M.O.: With freshly-pressed khakis and a toothy white grin, this character looks like he stepped straight out of a J. Crew catalog. Usually quite boring and often named "Mike," he becomes less generic when he drinks.

Examples:

  • Mike (London)
  • Mike (Miami)
  • Colin (Hawaii)
  • Sean (Boston)
  • Jamie (New Orleans)

Getting-the-part-tip: Wear your favorite fraternity shirt when making your audition tape.

The "Gay" Roommate

Character M.O.: Ummm, must we be clearer?

Examples:

  • Danny (New Orleans)
  • Ruthie and Justin (Hawaii)
  • Dan (Miami)
  • Genesis (Boston)
  • Pedro (San Francisco)
  • Stephen (Seattle) (at least according to Irene, anyway)

Getting-the-part tip: If you're gay-flaunt it. MTV casting agents love dipping into controversy, so don't be afraid to jump out of the closet, both hands in the air.

The "Instigator" Roommate

Character M.O.: This character derives pleasure from others people's pain. Two-faced and bored, he/she pits the roommates against each other by spreading vicious rumors. A favorite tactic? Entrusting the most insecure member of the cast.

Examples:

  • Justin (Hawaii)
  • Montana (Boston)
  • Beth (Los Angeles)
  • Puck (San Francisco) (If he fits anywhere, it would be here.)

Getting-the-part tip: Claim to be a sucker for controversy.

The "Pretentious Poet" Roommate

Character M.O.: A practitioner of experimental music and/or spoken word, this character carries around a well-worn journal and spends a lot of time alone to "think."

Examples:

  • Kaia (Hawaii)
  • Jason (Boston)
  • Kevin (New York)
  • Mohammed (San Francisco)

Getting-the-part tip: Adopt a faraway look while making your audition tape, and speak in a stream-of-consciousness beatnik style.

The "Ethnic" Roommate

Character M.O.: Though there's almost always more than one non-white character per season, this one is intent on making his/her heritage a constant issue. Heated fights about racism ensue.

Examples:

  • Melissa (New Orleans)
  • Kameelah (Boston)
  • Kevin (New York)
  • David (Los Angeles)

Getting-the-part tip: Refer constantly to your "roots," and, if possible, wear ethnic garb.

The "Drama Queen" Roommate

Character M.O.: This is the girl everyone loves to hate. Demanding, attention-starved and deliciously bitchy, she makes a paper cut seem like a life-threatening disease.

Examples:

  • Amaya (Hawaii)
  • Flora (Miami)
  • Irene (Seattle)

Getting-the-part tip: Whine, cry and stomp profusely.

The "Playah" Roommate

Character M.O.: This character often goes clubbing without his roommates for fear that they'll cramp his style. The result? Hoochies parade in and out of his bedroom at all hours of the night. The virginal roommate is disgusted.

Examples:

  • Syrus (Boston)
  • Teck (Hawaii)
  • David (New Orleans)

  • Eric (New York)

Getting-the-part tip: Bring your little black book.