Resigning from your job can be very stressful, even if you hate the job you're leaving. Bitter coworkers may start calling you names like "Quitter" or "Short-timer" and there's always the chance you'll overhear things like, "You know that guy who always wears that ugly green shirt? He's outta here!" And of course, everyone will want to know what your new job will be, and (more importantly) how much you'll be making. But change is a part of life, and sometimes we must move on. So let's make sure you do it the right way.

Those who resign from their jobs usually fall into one of two categories.

  • You're changing your career path. You want to change your job completely (say, from a paralegal to a stand-up comic).

  • You're escaping an unhappy environment. This can be anything from an insensitive boss to poor advancement opportunities to just not liking the commute. Sometimes, people in this situation aren't particularly looking for a new job, but they receive an offer from a different company that can give them a better deal (be it through salary, benefits, more interesting tasks, whatever).

It might help to make a list of why you are resigning to see which category you fall into. More importantly, this list will help decide if you are truly ready to make this change.

If you're unhappy, have you exhausted all your options with your present company first? Have you spoken to your boss or the head of personnel about how your situation might be improved? Is it just a matter of more money or does it go deeper? If it's a problem with your boss, can you make a lateral move in the same company? After all, it's not always wise to run whenever there's a minor amount of trouble. You'd be surprised at how valuable you are to your company. By the way, this SYW assumes that you work for a company of some sort. If you work in your dad's garage, the process needn't be quite so formal. The bigger the company, the more important it is to stick to our advice.

OK, so let's assume that you have gone over all the options and already have one foot out the door. All you need now are the tools to bow out as efficiently as possible. (And the willpower not to put on a cowboy hat and serenade your boss with a twangy rendition of "Take this Job and Shove it.")Now try not to get too stress out about this decision; get excited! Change can be a very good thing. To help you relax as you make this decision check out the office humor section on Madblast.com.

1. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A NEW JOB

We're assuming you:

  • Are NOT independently wealthy
  • Do NOT have a sugar daddy (or sugar mama)
  • Are NOT just so fed up with your present job that you don't care what happens to you

Read between our subtle lines: you MUST have another job already guaranteed before you resign. Or do you prefer living on a street grate? So before you even breathe a word about quitting to anyone, there's one detail that you must take care of: Get your new job offer in writing. Why? Because an oral agreement can be withdrawn. Actually, a written agreement can be withdrawn too, but at least you'd have some tangible legal recourse. A written job offer also provides you with a document that defines the parameters of your new position, so that you can be absolutely sure that your new job will be an improvement on your old one. This can be very helpful later if you are asked to do things you don't believe you were initially hired to do. (Like shining your new boss's shoes. Thanks, but no thanks.)

A written job offer isn't necessary when you are making a life change, such as becoming a full-time parent or starting your own business. We suppose you could write yourself an agreement, but only if your therapist or spiritual advisor insists on it.

2. GIVE YOUR ORAL AND WRITTEN RESIGNATION

"Why do I have to do both?" you may ask. The reason is because the oral resignation is just the setup for the written one. The written resignation is the official document that states that you are really, really leaving this time--no fooling.

The oral resignation takes place behind closed doors between you and your immediate supervisor. Make an appointment and explain that what you have to tell him/her requires his/her full attention. It's best to have this meeting towards the end of the day. This way, your boss can get used to the idea away from the office. During the meeting, simply state that you are leaving and hand your boss your written resignation. Let the resignation letter do the rest. Remember the old adage, "Never complain, never explain."

Here are two examples of resignation letters:

Plain and Simple

(Today's date)

Dear (Boss person),

I, (Your name), hereby resign my position as (Your position) at (Company's name).

Sincerely,
(Your signature)
(Your name)

Polite and Proper

(Today's date)

Dear (Boss person),

I have accepted an offer with another firm and have decided to tender my resignation as of today. My last day will be (date 2 weeks from today). This decision has nothing to do with the exceptional opportunity you have provided for me here. You and the company have been more than fair with me, and I genuinely appreciate all your support.

I wish (company) continued success, and I want to thank you for allowing me to be a part of your team. Please feel free to contact me at any time if I can be of further assistance in helping with a smooth transition.

Sincerely,
(Your signature)
(Your name)

At this point, there are three common questions that people have:

  1. What if my boss insists that I give him/her my reasons for leaving?
  2. What if my boss makes a counteroffer?
  3. How much advance notice do I have to give?

Well, here are your answers:

  1. Reasons for leaving. If your boss insists you tell him/her your reasons for leaving, keep your answers brief and positive. Explain that you enjoyed the opportunities and the growth you experienced at this job, but the new job will help you advance further on the path you want to take. Resist the temptation to be snotty and say something like, "Evil pigs told me to do it" (even if it's true). You gotta plan your answers in advance, so anticipate some of the questions that your boss might ask. One possible question is, "Do you have any suggestions for improvement for me as a supervisor?" This is a trap! As difficult as it may be to immediately let the demons fly, resist and remain positive. If you don't have something nice to say, then just keep it short and say "No, nothing that I can think of." You may need a recommendation from this person, and chances are that you will hurt his/her feelings.

    There is the possibility that the moment you hand over your letter of resignation, you will be immediately escorted from the premises by a security guard. Isn't that nice? In fact, they may clean out your desk for you, too! What a thoughtful company. This is more likely to happen at companies with security issues (for example, those that deal with Research and Development or proprietary contracts). Therefore, if it does happen, don't take it too personally. They're just paranoid freaks.

  2. Counteroffers. It is likely that your boss will accept your resignation in a calm and professional manner. He/she may even try to keep you around with an attractive counteroffer. Our advice: turn it down. It doesn't matter how good it is; chances are it will hurt you in the long run. In the eyes of the company, the fact that you offered a resignation makes you a disloyal employee. Should any cuts need to be made, your name will likely be at the top of the list. Accepting a counteroffer also makes you appear indecisive. It doesn't help your reputation with the company you were planning to go to either.

  3. Advance notice. You don't have to give more than two weeks notice. Only offer more if you feel really comfortable with both your present employer and your future employer. Your boss may insist that you give longer notice because you're leaving at the worst possible time. Again, this is a trick. ANY time is the worst possible time, because he/she has to find someone to take your place and reassign your work. However, you also have an obligation to your new employer to start within a reasonable amount of time. Two weeks is the standard, four weeks under special circumstances.

3. INQUIRE ABOUT HEALTH INSURANCE, UNUSED VACATION DAYS, & 401K

Only after you've discussed your resignation with your boss and your final workday has been identified should you deal with fun issues like health insurance, unused vacation days and your 401K. First, consult the company handbook (assuming there is one) for guidance on how they deal with these issues. Second, pay your Human Resources department (or whoever in the company handles these matters) a little visit. Keep it between you and HR - that's what they're there for. Make sure all your concerns are settled before you leave, and then follow up if any promises aren't being kept.

Health Insurance

Thanks to Congress, there is a Federal law that companies must continue their health insurance coverage for up to eighteen months after an employee leaves the company. To take advantage of this, just ask to sign up for COBRA. COBRA stands for Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act. We think Congress had a special subcommittee to come up with that name and another to come up with its accompanying scary acronym. You will need COBRA because most companies do not start insurance coverage until after your first 90 days of employment. The only problem is that you have to pay the full cost of the COBRA coverage, and it's not cheap. But it's better to pay it than take a chance on not being covered. You just don't want to tempt the gods of chaos. In any event, you must check with your new company to see when health insurance begins to make sure that you don't get left in the lurch.

Unused Vacation Days

Most companies will cut a separate check for unused vacation days. Some have the policy of "use 'em or lose 'em." Luckily, this is rare. However, you should avoid using your leftover vacation days as part of your two weeks notice. We've already discussed how you need to use your final two weeks to wrap everything up. Copping out of your final responsibilities just to get back a few vacation days will do irreparable damage to your reputation. What if you need your current employer as a reference? It's just not worth it.

It's also policy at some companies that if you exceeded your vacation days for that calendar year, then they will deduct the cost from your final paycheck. Ouch.

401 K

You have three options of what to do with the 401K you have with the company you are leaving.

  1. Leave it where it is. It can stay there until you retire. But the company will no longer be contributing to it and neither will you. The company doesn't mind keeping it because it helps their overall portfolio. However, as time passes and you become more removed from them, it will be harder to arrange your 401K's departure from their coffers.

  2. Cash it out. Sure, you can turn it into cash. But first, you pay a 20 percent penalty for cashing it out early and then the government taxes you on the part that's left. Some deal, eh?

  3. Roll it over. This is your best option. You can roll it over into a personal 401K or one with your new employer. Either way is fine, it's up to you. Just make sure you get the proper paperwork filled out as early as you can.

4. DEAL WITH YOUR COWORKERS

Basically, you don't want to take any chances during this transitional phase of your career. Everything you do during this time can be either misconstrued or serve to put you at a disadvantage. We're only slightly exaggerating when we say it's like walking through a minefield. However, we're here to show you the safe route to the other side.

Be Positive

Don't burn any bridges under any circumstances. During your final two weeks, many coworkers are going to ask you why you're leaving. Even if deep down it's because you think the company is a cesspool of life-sucking leeches who wouldn't know a creative thought if it grabbed them by the throat and shook them real hard, now is not the time to share your insights on the subject. There's always a chance that you may end up in a work environment with someone at the job you are leaving. So avoid bad mojo and be positive. It will leave everyone with the impression that you were, and will always be, a professional. Which is sort of cool when you think about it.

Be humble

Sure, let everyone know that you are leaving for what you feel will be a positive advancement of your career. However, if you paint too wonderful a picture of where you are going, you could create jealousy and resentment. Also be sure not to talk about details like your great new salary, vacation package or benefits. Nobody likes a braggart.

5. TAKE CARE OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS

After all we just said about what a tightrope act your last two weeks are going to be, you're probably thinking this would be a good time to take advantage of any unused sick days you have left. However, there are certain things you must accomplish before you leave. Most important is that you wrap up any assignments that you presently have. If it's something that can't be completed in your final two weeks, then make sure you have provided sufficient information for whoever comes after you, and detailed instructions for how the new guy should continue.

Another thing you may have to do before you leave is train your replacement. This situation also demands that you be positive and not say anything unnecessary. While you may be leaving a job you couldn't stand, the person replacing you may consider this the job of a lifetime. Let your replacement form his/her own opinions. If a replacement hasn't been found by the time you leave, then be prepared for your soon-to-be-ex-boss to call you for help or information when one is found. Sure, by that point you have no real obligation to help your old company out. But we suggest you do it anyway. Play nice.

Whatever you do, don't blow off your responsibilities and just coast the last two weeks. We know you may be thinking, "What can they do? Fire me?" But it's important to remember that you may end up working with someone from this job at another job someday. Or maybe you'll need a reference from this employer further down the line. So, again, we stress that you suck it up and do what has to be done.

6. GO THROUGH THE EXIT INTERVIEW

The exit interview is more common than it used to be. With the economy chugging along so well and people able to jump from one great opportunity to the next, companies are trying harder to keep good employees. If there's a problem that's driving good employees away, they want to be able to identify it and fix it.

In most companies, the Human Resources Manager conducts the exit interview. This may seem like the perfect opportunity to vent your spleen about all the things you feel the company is doing wrong, but let's consider a few things. First, you would have already met with Human Resources when you were exploring your Health, Vacation, and 401K options (that is, if you've been paying attention). Second, HR can only suggest solutions to management - it's up to management to implement them. So even if you're giving fair and well thought-out constructive criticism, management will often not take too kindly to anything they perceive as negative. You've made it this far without causing any problems for yourself. Don't lose your cool now.

Besides, the most common reason people leave their jobs is to better themselves. Think of it this way: while your leaving is a bad thing for the company, it's a really big, wonderful thing for you. This is what you should tell the company in your exit interview, in the hallways, and at your farewell lunch. You just have to remember to remain a professional throughout these last days so that you leave behind as good an impression as the one that got you hired there in the first place.

So goodbye and good luck. It's been a pleasure working with you. And don't let the door hit your butt on the way out.