2. LEARN THE OBJECTIVE AND FORMAT OF THE GAME

So with that historical context in mind, let's go over how exactly the game works. You'll be relieved to know that soccer has nowhere near the billions of rules that Americans fetishize so much in football and baseball — the game is far more free-flowing and loosey-goosey.

Before we discuss the rules, though, you'll need to know the objective of the game. Very simply, it is for your team to score more goals than the other team. Each team consists of eleven players who can score a goal by moving a ball into the opponents' net with the use of any part of their body except their arms and hands. You've seen it, you know what we're talking about.

Each game lasts 90 minutes, divided into two halves of 45 minutes each. Technically, the clock does not run when the ball is out of play — when it is kicked off the field or picked up by the referee for a substitution or injury — so each half typically runs for more than just 45 minutes. This principle is just like the timing you see in most American sports; e.g., basketball games go on for much longer than just 48 minutes. In soccer, though, the halves rarely go on for much more than 45 minutes — usually the added time or injury time is less than five minutes, but it is up to the referee's discretion. If the game is tied at the end of the 90 minutes, usually it is simply scored as a tie (a la hockey). But what happens in a competition when it is necessary to determine a winner? The tie gets broken by using special rules about extra time and penalty kicks. But before you jump off that bridge, Ace, there's more to learn. If you're dying of curiosity, jump ahead to step 5, learn the rules, to learn about the technical rules of breaking a tie (which can really spruce up a 0 to 0 game).