5. AVOID BEING A MORON

OK, so the fact that you can turn on a computer kinda negates this step's title. But we know many computer programmers who do dumb things. So for the love of God, when trying to get out of a ticket…

NEVER claim to be a cop. State police associations are pretty tight-knit and most cops know one another. Plus, police work is jargon-heavy and it's easy to trip someone up.

NEVER say, "What's the problem officer?" unless you want a smart-ass reply like, "You." This immediate response most people have has become a cliché for officers. They hate it.

NEVER say, "Was I ________?" (fill in with whatever traffic rule you were violating). It serves as an acknowledgment from you that you knew you were doing something wrong.

NEVER say, "I'm sorry" unless you really mean that you are truly sorry that you have broken the code of honor and ethics bestowed on all drivers when they are admitted by the knightly DMV into the realm of licensed driving. It's trite and usually stands for, "I'm so sorry… that you caught me."

NEVER say, "Do you know so-and so?" Name-dropping usually has no effect on the officer's decision to ticket you, and it might tick him/her off that you're even trying.

NEVER say, "you just stopped me because I'm black, a woman, gay, an Eskimo, etc." If the cop is racist or sexist or phobic, this remark isn't exactly going to help your situation and might serve to anger the officer. And if the officer is not racist or sexist or phobic, you've just accused him/her of it.

NEVER say, "I'll see you in court," "let me see the radar gun" or "give me your badge number." First, these remarks place the officer on defense and a defensive cop is more likely to give you a ticket. As for the radar gun, the cop can make it read whatever (s)he wants it to read from 00 to 135.

NEVER get out of the car unless instructed to do so.

NEVER reach for your pockets or under the seat without first explaining why.

NEVER open your glove box if it has inside it a concealed weapon unless you have warned the cop that it is there and that you have a license to carry it.

NEVER allow your passengers to talk to the officers unless instructed to do so.

NEVER consent to a search of your car without first asking for probable cause.

Traffic Court

Just for argument's sake, let's say that you got a ticket anyway and that you still want to get out of it. You could always try to go to traffic court and fight the ticket. Over 95% of traffic tickets are not contested, but that's because people are lazy. If you feel that you were actually wronged, then fight! There are a number of excellent books that can help you fight the good fight in traffic court, many of which we have listed below.

So, unless you get a cop who is screaming about respecting his authority or quoting Reservoir Dogs, our advice can help you avoid and/or get out of your next traffic ticket. All we can do now is remind you that if you don't do illegal things when you drive, then you won't get tickets.