So the needless cruelty, environmental devastation, bad karma, heart attacks, prostate cancer and plain old obesity associated with eating animal products has finally gotten to you. Or maybe you just can't get enough broccoli. Whatever it is, be it for health, moral, and/or environmental reasons -- you're thinking you want to be a vegan. Great! We're thinking we want to explain how to go about being one. It's a match made in heaven.

In case you didn't know...

A person who eats only plant products, eating no meat, honey, dairy products or eggs, is called a vegan (although some vegans do eat honey). We decided to write about veganism instead of vegetarianism because we thought we might as well explain the toughest form of non-meat diet and let you use the information any way you want. This article will be helpful for anyone who wants to be a vegan or vegetarian, or for someone who wishes to reduce the amount of animal products in his or her diet. It will not be helpful for lions.

One last thing: we've assumed you passed your last physical with flying colors. If you have any health problems at all, you should check with your doctor before altering you diet. In fact, even if you're in better shape than Carl Lewis, you should tell your doctor that you've become a vegan, simply because it's always good to tell your doctor these sorts of things. When hearing of your veganism, (s)he'll probably be happy for you. (Of course, if your doc isn't happy, then do whatever (s)he tells you to do!)

1. STOP EATING ANIMAL PRODUCTS

Before you make a wise-ass remark, realize that this obvious step can be quite difficult. After all, you don't know what to eat yet instead, do you? Not to worry, we're here to help.

Many people like to eliminate animal products from their diets in stages. For example, you might want to stop eating pigs and cows the first week, birds the second week, fish the third week, etc. After six weeks or so you'll have run out of categories and you'll find that you're a vegan. We very strongly recommend this method of conversion. It has been our experience that the transition to veganism is easier and more likely to last if you use this method.

On the other hand, some folks prefer the grandness of a sudden conversion and want no part of our gradual method. That's fine so long as you can stick to it. However, going from a traditional meat-based diet to a vegan diet is a big change, and it is easy to become frustrated and convinced that you can't do it. It is, of course, nonsense to say that you can't do it -- we know you've read The Little Engine That Could. Mostly people who have anemia are the ones who have any real difficulty with being vegans, and even they can do it with appropriate iron supplementation. So long as you're smart about it and you follow the incredibly brilliant directions with which we're providing you, you'll be just fine. So take yourself out for one last meal of your favorite dead thing, muster up your willpower and get ready to change your life for the better.