So you just got a new dog and want people to see that it can do more than lick itself (and others) in inappropriate places. Or maybe you've finally decided that it's time to show your old dog who's boss - the creature wearing the expensive new sneakers, not the one pooping on them.

If you don't have a dog just yet but are planning to get one, keep in mind that while all dogs are trainable, certain dogs are more susceptible to certain types of training. Dobermans are predisposed to be guard dogs, while collies are herding dogs, and setters, pointers and retrievers are hunting dogs.

For more information on picking out a dog to fit your training needs and living style, read "SYW choose the right dog for you?."

Better yet, if you are feeling a little lazy and wanna skip the tutorial, check out this video that will have you training your pooch in no time.

WATCH THIS HOW-TO VIDEO

1. UNDERSTAND DOG BEHAVIOR

The concept is simple: to train your dog, you must think like him. While many crazy old ladies see dogs as fuzzy, four-legged children (complete with a wardrobe), we have a newsflash: dogs… are… dogs. They don't really understand English (or any verbal language for that matter), they have no idea why you want them to growl at a knife-wielding intruder but not the mailman, and the only things they care about in the entire world are you, food, and play (the order varies from dog to dog). Here are some important dog-brain points:

Pack-think
Be the alpha dog
Puppies
Older dogs
Abuse
Reinforcement

Pack-think

Dogs are actually descendents of their wilder, scarier ancestors - wolves. And while dogs are obviously more docile and responsive to human command, they have retained some wolfish characteristics, including their sharp eyes, their keen sense of smell, and most importantly, their need to be in a pack. To your dog, you and everyone else in your household are in his pack, for lack of a better pack.

So pack-think: understand it, learn it, use it. A pack includes one leader - someone who bosses everyone else around and is respected by all the other members. Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of dogs don't want to be the pack leader; it makes them feel safe to have someone else in charge. But if your dog sees that you are a directionless wimp in need of some authority, he'll happily step into the leader position to whip you into shape. Dogs are all about hierarchies and as far as they're concerned, somebody's got to uphold that top dog position in case you guys get attacked by another pack. It's a dog eat dog world, after all.

Be the alpha dog

To successfully train your dog, you must be the leader of your pack, or at least rank above him. Always be firm and consistent with your dog, as this will show him that he can't get away with everything, even if he really is the cutest thing alive. If you fear that you may already be underneath your dog in rank, don't concede to defeat and continue to let your dog hog the blankets at night - toss him off the bed. While it may seem mean, it's a good idea to show your dog who's boss by pulling rank on him occasionally. Make him get up from the couch so you could sit in his place, and eat your meal before feeding him his, even if he's drooling a lake by your feet. Don't act scared if your dog growls at you when you ask him to do things - just snarl back without touching him and stand your ground. Continue prodding him to obey you until he does.

Puppies

If you have a puppy, make sure you begin training him as soon as he reaches the appropriate training age (we'll get to what that is later on); this will reinforce his natural tendency to depend on others. It's also a good idea to start early because in no time at all, your tiny puppy will turn into a monstrous beast with paws the size of your face. Try training that.

Older dogs

As for the non-puppy owners, you've probably heard the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." Well, whoever made up that line was either a very successful liar or someone who lacked the patience to really communicate with his/her dog. While it's true that old dogs don't come with clean slates, they will obey your foreign commands if you make it worth their while to do so. So don't fall for that fallacy.

Abuse

You should NEVER yell at or hit your dog, no matter how frustrating training can get. Going ballistic only teaches your dog to be nervous around you and fear you, making it hard for him to concentrate on what it is you want him to learn. By the way, it's illegal to hit a dog, so if we catch you doing it, we'll throw your butt in jail.

Reinforcement

Reinforcement through repetition and consistency is effective in training anyone - Lassie, a feral midget, even yourself. Habits, good and bad, are formed when an action is repeated over and over again with consistency. So during the process of training your pooch, don't give up the routine until he's got it. And even after your dog has mastered the following tricks, test him on them from time to time to make sure that he's still got it.